


3 Am Coffee Dates

by peachbbh



Series: The Night We Met [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentioned EXO, Romance, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-10 12:58:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 29,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12912402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachbbh/pseuds/peachbbh
Summary: Zhang Yixing, a famous author, stumbles into a 24-hour coffee house. There he meets the loud mouth Byun Baekhyun and his new book inspiration.





	1. The Night We Met

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me while I was sitting at work folding clothes.This is the first part of the series "The Night We Met" It's based of the song by Lord Huron.

"I had no idea that this book would become such a hit," Yixing says staring at the award in his hand. The crowd claps and cameras flicker. Yixing bows again.  
"We want to hear the story from you. Tell us more about Boxian." A woman yells from the back. Yixing gives his dimpled smile and nods.  
"Very well." He replies taking a seat.  
"It started on the night of December 1st, 2015." He says opening the book.  
-  
-  
I pulled the thick wool blanket over my head. My phone started to ring for the hundredth time that day. I knew it was my editor or company. I came to South Korea to get a new idea for my book but all I've been doing is sleeping and ignoring my problems. I'm a successful author at 25. I have lived and breathed deadlines since I was 19 and my first book blew up. I was finally able to get a break after I released my 7th book. My popularity started to go down. This was supposed to be a vacation but it's actually just work related. My company sent me here to find my next book subject. I write boy love novels. The story that planted my seed in this world was about two best friends on a sports team. They didn't realize until senior year that they were in love with each other. And from there I continued to write BL but recently my fans have said I lack something. Love. I've never been in love with anyone. Not a pet nor a person. It has always been Zhang Yixing and Zhang Yixing only. I rolled my eyes and threw my blanket off my head. In my small Seoul apartment that had no windows, I laid on the floor. I answered my phone finally.

"Yixing you better have a damn good reason why you've been ignoring my calls!" Nana, my editor yelled into the phone. I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

"I died," I reply with a smirk.

"Yixing!"

"I thought this was a vacation. If I knew you guys shipped me off to do work, I would have declined." I said standing up and laying face down on the bed.

"You're free to do as you please-"

"How? I have until next year to come up with something or else you guys will drop me."

"Where did you hear that?" Nana said sounding a bit uneasy.

"I know how this works. My popularity has gone down. You guys dropped HuangBo when his went down." I said turning on my side. I rub my eyes again and yawn.

"He retired.

"Because you guys dropped him."

"It's not my decision." She says with a deep sigh. I roll on my back.

"I'm trying," I reply before hanging up. Of course, I curl back into my blanket and fall asleep again. I have the dream again. The dream of the boy. I can't see his face but that voice. His voice reminds me of the honey. It was thick and smooth. As soon as I get close enough I always end the dream there. I sit up and rub my eyes. I should start looking for better inspiration. I quickly showered and dressed. It was just my luck to go out in a shit storm. The was cutting through the air so harshly that it burned my skin. I covered my face as the snow began to fall. I ended up walking a few blocks then taking the train to a bar. After a few drinks and receiving attention in the bathroom stall, I clumsily walked out the bar. I decided that I needed to sober up before going home. The red neon sign caught my attention. My body shivered as the ice-cold wind blew on. I pushed open the double mahogany doors. The warm air immediately set my body on fire. I took in the sweet smell of coffee and cakes. I looked around at the shop. There was a song playing and a few people swaying around. The room was red and black. It seemed a bit dark for a place called

"Welcome, I hope you enjoy your time in paradisum." A small girl said with a bow. I nodded. I was trying to listen to the song playing. It was beautiful but eerie. It wouldn't be something I would play in my coffee house. There are vintage photographs placed on the wall of the shop. I decided to grab a seat in the back away from everyone else. There were only 4 people in here including the girl who greeted me. I closed my eyes trying to keep my head from spinning. I shouldn't have taken the extra shots from that guy. I'm not a 19-year-old kid anymore. I decided to relax and listen to the songs play through the warm shop. I opened my eyes when I heard a piano. I sat up and turned toward the live music. The girl playing had to be at least 16. Her short black hair was in a neat bob. I watched her slender fingers play each note. I got lost in her actions. When she started singing I was drawn further in.

"Wise men say only fools rush in but I can't help falling in love with you. Oh, shall I stay? Would it be a sin? Oh if I can't help falling in love with you." The way she sang reminded me of an old soul. The tone of her voice was so soothing. It warmed my chilled bones. I pulled out my journal and took down notes as she continued to play and sing. I lost track of time because next thing I know it was 3 am and I was on my 3rd cup of whatever the waitress brought me. I was mesmerized by her voice. I was snapped out of my trance by a voice that caused the hair on my arms to rise. My head snapped in the direction.

"I don't want to! You can't force me! I have rights" He yelled crossing his arms. His back was facing me but from the looks of it, he was upset. The girl shook her head.

"Now!" She shouted.

"No!"

"Hey, can you keep it down?" I spoke up. The guy turned to face me. Wow. My tongue was heavy. He crossed his arms with an angry face. His soft face resembled a puppy. His whole face was very puppy like cheeks were rounded and his droopy eyes that stared straight at me. His pink lips were perfect. he couldn't be real. He was very attractive. His hair was silver ash. He ran his hand through his hair and stormed off. I let out a breath of air. How long did I go staring at him without breathing? The guy didn't come back until 10 mins later. He started to clean off my table.

"What are you writing?" He asked. His calm voice was just as beautiful as him. I ignored him though. I continued taking notes.

"You don't have to be rude. I'm just trying to make conversation." He spoke again. I rolled my eyes and sipped my drink.

"Are you drawing something?"

I ignored him again. He wouldn't give up. I was pleased. I didn't want him to stop talking. He would stomp away and come back with the mini muffins each time. I made sure to leave a big tip. I planned to come back tomorrow during the day when I'm sober. I needed to see him sober. I think my drunkness made him seem ethereal. So, the next day at 3 pm I was sitting in "In Paradisum", the name of the coffee house I stumbled upon by accident. During the day the shop took on a brighter appeal for some reason. It was probably due to many people being around. I sat down in the same seat from last night and started to write. I started writing about the guy. It soon turned into night. I looked around at the half-empty shop.

"Do you need anything else, sir?" The waiter asked. I shook my head and grabbed my journal. I was on my way out when I had the urge to ask.

"The guy with the silver hair. Does he work tonight?"

"Ahh, Baekhyun. He does.work tonight. 3 am."

"Thank you," I said smiling. I hurried across town to shower and get ready. Something about Baekhyun had all my attention. When I arrived it was a little after 3. I sat down in my regular seat. I could hear his loud laughter from the other room. He appeared with that rectangular smile and sat across from me.

"I heard you were looking for me Mr.Zhang." He said taking a bite out of a strawberry. I watched the juice drip from his already pink lips down to his chin. I leaned forward and wiped it away with my thumb. Baekhyun licked the remaining juices from my thumb. I shuddered. He smiled.

"How did you know my name."

"You paid with your card today and you asked about me." He replied finishing up the strawberry. I nodded.

"What time do you get off?" I asked. Baekhyun grinned and sat back.

"Are you trying to sleep with me already?" He asked. I gave him a nod. It was no secret. Baekhyun was attractive and I wanted him under me at the end of the night. He smiled.

"I'm sorry Mr.Zhang but I am unavailable to you."

"And what does that mean Baekhyun? Are you straight?" I asked raising an eyebrow. He smiled and stood up.

"Nope. I'm not something YOU can have," he said walking away. I watched his plump bottom until it disappeared. I wasn't into cat and mouse games but Baekhyun had me rethinking. I pulled out my laptop and started to write. Every now and then he would come over and make small talk with me. It was mostly him talking and me writing everything down. When he asked what I was writing I would say it's for work. He believed me. Somehow he made it to my side of the booth. He laid his head on my shoulder and we listened to the music. I brushed his hair from his face. He was falling asleep. I was the only one here tonight. I pulled him closer to me. Baekhyun was a young college student. He had a younger sister named Narae. He lived in a dump somewhere downtown. The coffee house is far from school but it was the only one that hired him. I watched him pout in his sleep. I let my arm stay around his body. He seemed cold but he said he was anemic so he was used to it.

"Baekhyun! No sleeping on the job." His boss screamed. She was chubby and short but very scary. She was strict. I watched her yank him from my side. My frown went unnoticed. Baekhyun rubbed his eyes and followed her. It was getting close to 6 am. I wanted to say goodnight to Baekhyun so I waited. he came back out. His face was a bit pale. I placed my hand on his head.

"You're getting a cold idiot. Take time off. Here's my number. Call me." I said. He nodded. Baekhyun never called me. I waited all week. I couldn't go to the shop during his shifts because Nana came to check up on me. As soon as she left I went to the shop. I took my usual seat. Baekhyun didn't come out until 3:30. He sat at the piano. I watched his beautiful fingers gracefully press keys.

"There was a time when I was alone. Nowhere to go and no place to call home. My only friend was the man on the moon. Even sometimes he would go away too." He sang with his eyes closed and let every lyric come from within.

"I am lost boy from Neverland usually hanging out with Peter Pan. And when we're bored we play in the woods. Always on the run from Captain Hook. Run Run lost boy they say to me. Away from all reality. Neverland is home to lost boy like me and lost boys like me are free." The voice. I knew this voice. I spent so many nights listening to it. I didn't notice that I was now sitting next to Baekhyun. When did my feet carry me here? We both lost ourselves in the music. I was in such a deep trance that time flew before my eyes.

"Baekhyun, you're shift is up. You should head home." Freyja, the night manager said. Baekhyun stopped playing. He turned to me giving me his signature smile.

"Excuse me, Yixing." He said standing up. I grabbed his wrist lightly.

"Can I walk you home?"

"I-"

"Baekhyun, I'm headed that way to wait for me." Yeri, his co-worker said. He smiled and gave me a sad smile.

"Will you call me at least?" I asked. 

"I'll try my best. School has me busy during the day."

"We can do lunch."

"Yixing, you're really nice but I'm not someone you should get mixed up with," Baekhyun replied taking his hand away from me. What did that mean? Baekhyun seemed like a typical uni student. I bit my lip and watched him disappear into the back. I got up and grabbed my things. What could Baekhyun be hiding? All day I thought about it. He looked so sad last night. Maybe he was having trouble at home with his family. The next night Baekhyun was back to his regular talkative self. I laughed along with the staff as he danced around to Red Velvet. Baekhyun scooted closer to me. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder. He looked up at me with a grin before kissing my cheek. I smirked before turning to Yeri. Baekhyun stayed in my arm all night. The place started to get more customers, so everyone went back to work. Baekhyun was now sitting across from me with his head on the table. I wanted to reach out and touch him. I couldn't get enough of it. He looked up at me with a frown.

"What's wrong?" I asked turning to my laptop to type.

"I haven't had a cheeseburger in such a long time."

"Are you on a diet?"

"Something like that."

"You have a nice body," I said not taking my eyes off the screen. Baekhyun sat up. I knew he was wearing that smile. The smile that made me believe the world was at peace. I looked up at him. There it was.

"You check me out?"

"Have you not noticed?" I asked with a chuckle.

"I knew your eyes stared harder when I look away. Tell me what's my best feature." He said sitting with chin on his right hand. I couldn't help but do the same.

"Your best features would be your hips and ass," I replied with a sneer. Baekhyun rolled his eyes and got up to leave. I pulled him back down. He fell on my lap and I turned his face to me.

"Your best feature is your smile. When you smile it not only lights up your face but others as well. I like the way the apples of your cheeks shine when you laugh so hard that tears fall. Or how it doesn't form a regular crescent shape like the rest of us. It's a box and it's cute. I love the way your pink lips look when you pout. It makes me feel like I have this urgent need to take care of you. Like a puppy. Your smile makes-" I was cut off by his lips.

"Shut up and kiss me already." He whispered. I nodded and pulled him closer. Baekhyun nibbled on my bottom lip. I couldn't help but smile. He was so eager to explore my mouth. I let him lead the kiss. His soft hands laid on my shoulders. Our tongues twisting in my mouth. Baekhyun pressed his body closer to me. He pulled back with a snap of his lips. I couldn't get enough. I was intoxicated by Byun Baekhyun. I pulled him in for another kiss and this time I lead with much more need and hunger. I wanted to take him home. I had to take him home.

"Baekhyun!" Kyungsoo said grabbing him away from me. I frowned and watched him be pulled into the kitchen. I touched my lips. His lips were really soft. The sweet taste of strawberries lingered in my mouth. Kyungsoo came back to tell me that Baekhyun wouldn't be back out tonight. He said it was something about mingling with customers. I guess Baekhyun had a name for himself. I stuffed my cold hands into my pockets and kicked at the snow as I made my way to the train station. For some reason, I couldn't take my mind off the kiss. My kiss was needy but his was passionate. Baekhyun was looking for someone to love and that couldn't be me. I arrived home after 5 am and just laid face down on the bed. How long would it be before I finally get that God awful man in this bed with me? I was stuck with my hand again for the night. When I woke up I decided to go to the gym to burn some steam off. What Kyungsoo said about Baekhyun kind of pissed me off more than I wanted it to.

"What have you been up to?" Junmyeon asked. I met him a few months after coming to Korea. I guess we are friends.

"Writing," I replied.

"Did you find your inspiration?"

"Something like that," I replied with the image of Baekhyun in my head. I shook my head. I need to get my mind off that boy.

"Are you busy tonight? Let's have drinks." Junmyeon nodded. That's how I found myself piss drunk in the men's stall with a random guy sucking me off. The male swallowed and gave me a smile.

"Take me home now." He said standing. I fixed my pants and stumbled out the bathroom. While I was washing my hands my phone started to ring. The stranger took it upon himself to answer. We stared at each other in the mirror. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion before he handed it to me. I wiped my hands on my jeans and took it.

"There's no one on the phone." He said.

"Hello?"

"I see you're busy." The voice I've been wanting to hear all day came through the phone in almost a whisper. He let out a sigh. Speak Yixing. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth.

"Can I see you?" I asked. I knew my words were slurred and I was a sloppy mess but I needed to see him. I needed to see my obsession. My addiction. I needed to see him.

"No. Are you drunk?"

"Come on handsome take me home." The stranger said kissing my neck and wrapping his arms around my waist. He snatched the phone.

"Yixing can't come to the phone anymore.....Hello? Is anyone there?" He asked. I snatched the phone back.

"Baekhyun."

"Have fun." He replied and hung up. I shoved the male away from me and went back out to the bar. Junmyeon found me drinking more shots.

"I'm going to leave. Are you alright?"

"Yes," I replied. I wasn't okay. I knew I hurt Baekhyun's feelings. I knew what he wanted from me. I could feel it in the way his stares would linger. The way his eyes would light up brighter than the sun when I kissed his cheek or held him. Baekhyun wanted love. He deserved it but it would not be from me. I don't know how long I sat at the bar drinking. I lost track of reality. There was no way I was going to make it home. I laid my head on the bar table. The room was spinning. I closed my eyes and tried to hold the vomit in. I felt a cool hand on my face. Open your eyes Yixing. I couldn't. My tongue felt so heavy in my mouth. I could hear the person whispering to me but I couldn't make out who it was. Next thing I know I was going in and out of consciousness in the back of a taxi. My head was on someone's lap. I remember throwing up as soon as we stepped out the car. My stomach was completely emptied but I kept vomiting bile. I felt a soft hand on my neck and felt soft cool lips on my cheeks.

"You're such an idiot." The person said before I blacked out. That night I dreamed of Baekhyun. I was chasing him. He looked terrified. I called him but he kept running. He kept running until I couldn't see him anymore. I jumped out of my sleep. Sweat was covering my body. I looked around the maroon room. Where was I? Freyja appeared with a towel and bucket.

"Lay back down." She said sitting next to me. I was in the backroom of Paradisum. I did as I was told and laid back on the couch. She placed a cool towel on my head.

"Messy boy." She said rubbing my face. I smiled and closed my eyes. I think I fell asleep again. When I opened my eyes, she was back with a cup of tea and bread. I watched her tidy the room as I drank the tea. 

"How did I get here?"

"You don't remember much? You called Baekhyun in a drunken state. He was worried about you."

"How did he know where I was?"

"You told him."

"Is he around."

"He's not and he's off for the next two weeks."

"Is he going back home for Christmas?" I asked. She paused before giving me a head nod. She left the room and Kyungsoo appeared to take my tray. I grabbed his wrist lightly.

"Is Baekhyun still in town? I need to say sorry-"

"No. What you need to do is stay away from him. You'll only hurt each other." Kyungsoo said in a warning tone.

"Kyung-"

"Don't! You don't understand. Just leave Baekhyun alone!" He shouted. The door opened to Freyja. She took the tan distraught man out the room. I got myself together and left. Two weeks went by and I didn't get a call from Baekhyun. The phone he used to call me was the cafe's phone. There was no way to contact him. I shut myself out from the world. I turned my phone off. the only time I left the apartment was to get food. I returned after 6 pm to find my therapist and Nana. I glared at her.

"Yixing, I'm sorry but you worried me. You haven't picked up anyone's calls. Your mother was freaking out. I needed-"

"To make sure I didn't try to kill myself again," I said pushing my front door open. I should have never told her where I moved to. My company set me up in a nice apartment but I moved out as soon as I figured out they kept tabs on me there. I went to put away the groceries while they got comfortable. 

"I understand you coming but why him?" I asked pointing to my therapist, Jongdae.

"I wanted to have a face to face session. I need to make sure you're taking your meds as well."

"I'm not. I haven't in a year and I don't plan to. You can leave now."

"Yixing-"

"Nana, stay out of it. I know you care about me but this is my own battle." I shouted scaring her. She nodded and made her way to the living room. 6 years ago I was diagnosed with depression. And five years ago, I tried to kill myself. I don't know what happened. Through my whole life, I had been set. I had both my parents, friends, and family. I was loved by everyone. My mother thinks it's because of the fame. It would make sense. I got famous from my first book 6 years ago. Jongdae took a seat.

"You look well." He said.

"I feel well," I said turning to get glasses.

"I mean you look like you're doing okay emotionally. Any suicidal thoughts?"

"No, but I'm thinking about killing you if you don't quit this psychology evaluation on me right now."

"Sorry."

"It's fine. You're my best friend before my therapist, you weirdo." I said sliding him a drink. Nana made her way back in and decided to drink with us. I hadn't noticed the time fly by.

"Merry Christmas," Nana said laying her head on my shoulder.

"It's only Christmas Eve, dingbat," I said flicking her head.

"Did you guys fly out here to spend Christmas with me?" I asked. Nana sat up.

"Who wants to spend Christmas alone?" She said smiling. Besides Nana being my editor, she was also a good friend of mine. We met at Uni. I'm grateful for these two. We ended spending Christmas Eve inside watching tv and drinking hot cocoa. I felt at peace but my mind was on my favorite strawberry boy. I looked at the clock and back to the two sleeping bodies. Like an outer body experience, I found myself in front of Paradisum with a McDonald's bag and a strawberry smoothie. I walked through the familiar mahogany doors. The sweet smell of cinnamon and vanilla hit me with full force. I took my regular seat. Please be here Baekhyun. I sat there for 10, 20, 30 mins until I heard the sweet laughter that caused my stomach to drop. He appeared from the back. His hair was red now. God, he was so beautiful. His smile faded once our eyes met. Oh no. He made his way over and took a seat. I pushed the bag and drink to him.

"It's cold now. You should heat it up." I said as he opened the bag up. I watched his face light up. He unwrapped the burger and bit into it. I watched his face fill with so much pleasure. He moaned and licked his lips. His plump lips wrapped around the straw of his drink.

"Wow." He said. I smiled and continued to watch him enjoy the meal. When he was done he made his way over to me.

"Merry Christmas Zhang Yixing."

"Merry Christmas Byun Baekhyun," I replied before kissing him.His fingers began to knot themselves into my sweater as I deepened the kiss. He moaned into my mouth. My hands gripped his thighs causing him to jump at the contact. I pulled away and like a puppy, he nipped at my lips until I gave in again. I let the world around us fade. Kissing him like this, like it was my last kiss on earth was causing my heart to pound. He pulled away to lick and suck on my neck. My hold tightened on his hips. Baekhyun came back to my lips. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas played in the background as our worlds became one. Who knows how long we were in our corner making out. When we were done Baekhyun's lips were red and puffy. I'm sure he sucked so many bruises into my neck.

"I would invite you home but my friends are there."

"Ashamed to show your friends the boy you're stalking?" He said smiling.

"Stalking?"

"You only come here for me and not the coffee. Everyone knows that."

"You got me. How about we go to your place then?"

"I can't my roommate is kind of a jackass." He replied standing.

"I thought Kyungsoo was your roommate?"

"Exactly." He said walking away. I looked down at the clear bulge in my pants. Oh, Byun, what do you do to me? Baekhyun returned and pulled me by the hand into the back room. 

"Thanks for coming to get me that night."

"It's okay." He said locking the door behind him. Baekhyun pushed me onto the couch and lowered himself to his knees.

"Would you like help?" He asked. I nodded faster than I wanted to. He chuckled before unzipping my pants. I was nervous. One because what if Kyungsoo came. He was kind of scary and for some reason, he was against me and Baekhyun. The second reason is because of Baekhyun. I helped him get my pants to my ankles. He looked up at me with soft eyes as he began to stroke my cock into his beautiful hands. Although his touch was a bit cold I didn't mind because suddenly his warm mouth was wrapped around the tip. His eyes stayed focused on mine as he took more of me into his mouth. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I closed them and placed my hand in his red hair.

"Baek, you're so good, baby." I groaned as my hips bucked at the feeling of the back of his throat. I heard his chokes and I pulled back. I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful sight. Baekhyun's eyes full of tears. He pulled back and I watched the drool fall down his chin as he smiled. He started to cat lick the head of my cock. I moaned and reached down to rub his cheeks. He opened again to take me in. I watched his red hair bob in my lap. That mouth was talented. I threw my head back as he hummed and sucked me so well. My eyes shut tightly. My hands pulled at his hair again and my hips bucked. Baekhyun sat on his knees and I stood up. He opened his mouth wide as I fucked it. His cool hands stayed on my thighs. He choked at my harshness and when I started to slow down he looked up at me with pleading eyes, so I continued to fuck his mouth thoroughly until I was coming down his throat. He stuck his tongue out showing me my semen before swallowing it up. I pulled him up by his arms and kissed him. After another deep make-out session, I was satisfied. We cleaned up in the bathroom and ended up kissing again.

"You drive me crazy, Byun,"I said pulling back and kissing his head. He buried his face in my sweater and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Do you want to get together for breakfast?"

"I have plans with Kyungsoo."

"Oh. When will I be able to see you?"

"Was I that good? The oh so strict Zhang Yixing is stuck on me?"

"Yes."

"Sorry, you can't have this." He said walking out of the bathroom. It was close to 6 am. My phone had died two hours ago. The sun would be coming up soon. I should be getting home. I said goodbye to the staff and Baekhyun snuck in an extra kiss. Back home, both friends questioned me. I ignored them and went to shower. We spent the day watching movies and playing games.

"I got my next book idea," I said turning to Nana. Her face lit up.

"What's it about?"

"It's about a boy living in a fantasy land."

"Cliche."

"One day he falls into the real world. He meets a stranger who is down and out."

"Go on," Jongdae said leaning forward now.

"The boy helps him grow and see the world in a clearer perspective. In the end, the man abandons the boy. He's left to see how his fantasy land never existed."

"Wow. Yixing that's sad. Do they fall in love? Why would the man just leave him like that?" She yelled shoving me. I laid there staring at the ceiling. Because the man is a fool. 

"Is this about the guy you're seeing?" Jongdae asks. My head turns to him.

"You're seeing someone?"

"No," I replied sitting up.

"Then why did you leave the house and didn't return until almost 7:30 am?" He questioned me. I rolled my eyes.

"I needed sex," I said shrugging. Nana shook her head and left the room.

"Yixing, you should give it a try. For years, I have watched you box yourself in from the world. If this person is showing an ounce of interest like you are I think you should give it a try. No one wants to die lonely. We all need someone."

"I wanted to be lonely," I replied. The room fell into a healthy silence. I use to want to be alone because inside that's what I felt. There was a hole in my heart that prevented me from wanting to heal. I thought that I was stuck like this. I was stuck in this small box like a coffin. I was dead inside. Breathing in the small bit of oxygen that was around. But then I met the boy from my fantasies. The fantasy boy who I met only 4 weeks ago. Byun Baekhyun. From that night on, I met up with Baekhyun at the shop every night I could, which was most nights. He would sing and I would listen and type. He always asked me what my work was about I would make up some lie. I didn't want my new book to be exposed to anyone yet. Every now and then Baekhyun would suck me off in the back room. I was starting to think he was a virgin since he refused to sleep with me. Either that or he just liked sucking.

"Are you lonely?" Baekhyun said one night after finishing serving customers. I stopped typing and looked over my laptop. His head was resting on the table on his left arm. He twirled a spoon before meeting my eyes. I gave him a small head nod.

"You can't fall in love with me." He spoke again. Now I was curious to see where he was going with this.

"You keep telling me that. I don't plan on falling in love with you, Byun."

"Zhang, no one plans to fall in love. It just happens." He replied.

"But to fall in love with someone like me would be bad for both of us."

"Have you been in love?" I asked. He took his eyes off the spoon to give me a look before going back to the silver object.

"I have loved someone. His name was-"

"I don't want to know his name," I said cutting him off. I felt something pool in my gut and just let the words come out before I could really think.

"I dated him from senior year until the first year of uni." He said.

"What happened? Did he break your heart?" I asked now with my full attention on him. Baekhyun let out a bitter chuckle before sitting up. The smile I loved so much was now just an empty curve on his face.

"I wish he broke my heart." He whispered staring at the table.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. We didn't know each other." Baekhyun said laughing. I got up and sat down next to him. 

"Are you lonely, Baekhyun?" I asked as he buried his face in my neck. I flinched. He kissed my neck softly.

"No more leaving hickeys," I said holding him closer.

"I am lonely, Yixing. I don't want to be lonely anymore." and that was the day I found out my fantasy boy was lonely too. Baekhyun fell asleep in my arms. My arm had fallen asleep as well but I didn't want to disturb him. Who knows when was the last time Baekhyun slept during the night. I kissed his forehead. He would let out small little noises that made me smile. A waitress came to wake up but I tipped her extra to let him sleep 20 more mins. I wish I could take him home with me and hold him all night. The world is too cold to sleep alone.

"Let me love the lonely out of you. Let me love the pain you're going through. I think I saved myself by saving you. Let me love the lonely out of you."

It was now the end of February. Baekhyun sat in front of me as I tuned my guitar.

"You wanted to be a singer before? What happened?"

"I did but I blew up from writing so I embraced it."

"You should still give singing a try."

"You should as well," I replied before I started playing. Baekhyun sat there staring at me with soft eyes.

"Please don't see just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies. Please see me reaching out for someone I can't see. Take my hand let's see where we wake up tomorrow. Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand. I'll be damned cupid's demanding back his arrow. So let's get drunk on our tears and God tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young. It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run searching for meaning but are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?" He sang to the tune I was playing. His voice was so soothing. He nodded giving me the next verse.

"Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy. Woe is me if we're not careful turns into reality. Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow. Yesterday I saw lion kiss a deer. Turn the page maybe we'll find a brand new ending where we're dancing in our tears and God tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young. It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run searching for meaning. But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?" The room started clapping. I didn't notice other people gathered around the staff and customers. My eyes were focused on Baekhyun. My fantasy boy. I stood up and placed my guitar down. He took my hand and we walked to our table in the back corner of the cafe.

"I like our 3 am dates." He said snuggling into my side. I smiled. I liked them too.

"We should do a day date."

"I can't. Super busy with classes."

"What about weekends?"

"Busy." He said. I kissed the top of his head.

"What are we?" I asked. Baekhyun smiled up at me.

"I'm whatever you need me to be." He replied grinning. I bent down to kiss his lips.

"I want to ask you on a proper date first."

"And then take me home to ravish me?"

"That too," I said giving him a wink.

"Baekhyun you're needed," Kyungsoo said. Baekhyun didn't have a chance to reply the taller male yanked him away. I rolled my eyes. I don't get that guy. Baekhyun and I like each other. Baekhyun's not a child he can make up his own mind about us. Baekhyun returned 15 mins later only to say goodbye. I told him that I would be flying back home soon. He frowned and promised to call me. When I asked for his personal number he refused to give me it. Byun is always mysterious. The night that I was leaving I stopped by only to find out Baekhyun hadn't shown up for work. I was a little disappointed and worried. I would ask where he lived but I think Kyungsoo would kill me. I sat down at my regular spot and pulled out my laptop. As I was typing, Kyungsoo took a seat across from me. We stared at one another before anyone spoke. Kyungsoo was tall and broad. He had beautiful tan skin and full lips. If it wasn't for Baekhyun I would try to hook up with him. I shook my head. Kyungsoo would have been a challenge.

"Is there something you needed?"

"You're falling in love with him,"Kyungsoo stated. I shook my head.

"You're only setting yourself up. Baekhyun has been through a lot with his ex."

"What do you mean?"

"He couldn't let Baekhyun go."

"Is Baekhyun in danger? Kyungsoo tell me where he lives. I'll protect-"

"You can't protect him," Kyungsoo whispered. Freyja appeared. She whispered something to Kyungsoo and he left. I paid for my coffee and made my way to the airport. Please be okay Baekhyun. I couldn't sleep on the flight. Once I arrived I was swarmed by fans. The bright lights blinding me as I was pushed into my van. I took my mask off and sighed. Back to this crazy life. Right now I was regretting my career choice. My life could be much simpler if I was just a regular guy. I thought about a life with Baekhyun. A life with Baekhyun? What's wrong with me? I quickly turned on my phone. He might call me. Baekhyun never called me. The month flew by with no word from the boy. I broke down and called the shop. Baekhyun had been really busy they said. My talk with Kyungsoo came back. If Baekhyun's ex was so bad then he must be hiding. That's why he won't share his phone number or his address with me. Was Baekhyun being stalked? I balled my fist on the table. Whoever that son of a bitch is that's harassing my Baekhyun I will make him pay. My Baekhyun?

"Yixing. This book is gold. It's so different from your usual writing. I can feel every emotion. Boxian and Lay are relatable. But my baby Boxian! I want to protect him. He's so pure. He's like a light for Lay." My manager, Mei said putting down the stack.

"The company wants to push this book by next year. Please continue. They all love it. What was your inspiration?" She asked.

"A little coffee shop," I replied.

"It's brilliant, Yixing. I'm talking about movie brilliant." The CEO said walking out the meeting room. I stood up and bowed. He pulled me into a hug.

"Let's go for a walk and talk." He said pulling me along. We walked in silence for a while. He stopped and turned to me.

"Did you find someone?" He asked. He's always been a good senior to me. He used to be a writer and soon opened his own publishing company after. He was the first one to actually read through my book and sign me right away rather than sending an editor. I turned to face the large windows. I watched the snow fall silently on Shanghai. I placed a hand on the window. The cool sensation reminded me of his touch.

"I did," I said with a smile.

"I'm glad. What's he like?"

"A breathe of fresh air to be cliche. For all these years, I thought to be in the dark was permanent and I was okay with that. I was okay with being in that casket. I didn't want to be pulled out. But he came and pulled me from the cold ground without hesitation. He embraced me with such a warm light it's as if God himself covered me. Once I welcomed that little bit of light it became something I looked forward to seeing every single day for the last few months. His smile. His damn rectangular smile that's forever embedded in my mind is the most beautiful and unique I have ever laid my eyes on. His voice when he sings is filled with warmth and sorrow at the same time. I want to be the light in his life.  I want to give him happiness. I don't know if it's love or attraction. What is it?" I turned to him asking. He was smiling down at me.

"That's for you to find out my boy." He said patting me on my back and walking away. I looked back out into the night. What if I'm the only one feeling warmth? What if Baekhyun doesn't want this? He's already damaged. I don't want to be the asshole who destroys Byun Baekhyun. My phone started to ring. I pulled it out of my pants pocket. My chest became tight and in my stomach, the butterflies came alive. My hands clammed up at the caller id. I almost didn't want to answer. I could feel myself getting light headed. I finally pressed the green button. I cleared my throat.

"Hello."

"Hi." The light honey voice said filling ears with the sweetest sin. I leaned against the window for support.

"It's late."

"Yixing, I'm only an hour ahead. You know I work this time silly." He said laughing.

"Baekhyun."

"Hmm?"

"I-"

"Hold on, Kyungsoo is giving me a death clear." He replied. I waited. I could hear whispering but I couldn't make out the full conversation. He was probably getting scold for making a long distance call.

"Sorry. When will you be back?"

"As soon as I can. I'm finishing up here in a few days."

"Good. I miss my favorite tipper."

"Is that all I am?" I chuckled.

"Of course." He replied in a cheeky tone. I smiled because I knew he was wearing my favorite smile in this world.

"Can I take you out?"

"Like a date?"

"Yes."

"What time?"

"When I land in Korea."

"Which is?"

"Around 3 am."

"Hey! That's not even a proper date. I'll be working."

"I'll bring you pizza. I'll make it special."

"I would like that," Baekhyun said softly. The lights adorning the city were nothing compared to my fantasy boy.

"Hey, Yixing. I have to go. I'll see you in a few days with that pizza." He said. I smiled and said goodbye. I rushed through my schedule. I was able to get a flight back to Seoul earlier. Freyja helped me set up our table for a date. I started picking at the nonexistent lint on my black and tan striped sweater. I was nervous. I even styled my hair the way Baekhyun liked it. I hope I looked decent. I didn't have time to go all out. I wanted to see Baekhyun as soon as possible.

"No flowers?" Freyja asked. I didn't know if Baekhyun would like that. She handed me a bouquet of strange flowers. They had three bright orange petals and three blue ones. They were pretty but clearly didn't grow around here. I sat the flowers on the table and waited. What if Baekhyun changes his mind? What if he doesn't show up? I stared at my phone as time ticked by. This was stupid. He probably forgot. My stomach dropped at the sound of a familiar chuckle. I stood up with the flowers in my hand. Baekhyun smiled at me. His hair was blonde now with his dark roots showing. He wore a light grey turtleneck shirt paired with black slacks that stopped just above his ankles. He shrugged out of his long black and white striped coat and placed it in the booth. He took the smiles and smelled them. I opened my mouth to speak but swallowed my words back down when that smile came to view.

"These are weird flowers, Zhang." He said placing them on the table. I pulled him into a long hug. Anything I would have wanted to say wouldn't have a meaning. I just wanted to touch him. My hands found their way to his face.

"Warm. You're warm." I said rubbing his cheeks. He nodded with a grin. I bent down and kissed his lips. He replied with a kiss.

"Pizza now kiss me later." He said pulling back. I nodded. I was so used to seeing Baekhyun in his black pants and white button down and messy apron. He was dressed normally now and I was in awe. I barely ate my share of the pizza. My mind was wrapped around the happy blonde in front of me. He talked with his mouthful and I didn't mind. I didn't mind at all. He told me what he has been up to since I've been away. He started telling me about his little sister. Every so often I would catch the grief in his eyes but then he would bounce back with those bright brown orbs. I leaned over the table and hushed him with a kiss.

"Tell me about your family."

"How about we go to my apartment first."

"You want to get in my pants so bad, Zhang." He whispered against my lips.

"Byun, I'm dying to see you spread out on my sheets."

"Choose your words wisely, Yixing." He said kissing me. Freyja came over to clean up the table. Baekhyun walked away with her. I grabbed my coat and Baekhyun's coat as well. I hope he comes home with me. He returned and I helped him into his coat. It was snowing again. I opened the door. Freyja stood by waving at us. Baekhyun stepped outside. He looked around so childlike.

"It's snowing." He said spinning around. I couldn't help but laugh. I watched him pick up a handful of snow and toss it up.

"Xing! It's so beautiful." He said playing around. I walked over and held his hand.

"You're acting like it hasn't snowed in years."

"I know but experience a snowfall with someone I like is kind of intimate." He said shyly burying his face in my side. I kissed his forehead as I hailed a taxi. The ride to my place was 45 mins. Baekhyun complained how much it must have cost to do this commute every night to see him. I told him I wasn't worried about the price. Just like his reaction to the snow he was jumping around my apartment for an hour. I moved out of the other apartment in January. This one was actually the closest one I could find near the coffeehouse on such short notice. I finally pulled him into the bedroom. He frowned.

"I'm not going to do anything to you."

"It's not that. Everything in here is black. The walls, the sheets, even the dressers. It's depressing." He said. I shrugged. I found peace in the dark.

"I find it peaceful," I replied taking off my clothes. Baekhyun left the room and returned with a vase. He placed the flowers inside and turned to me.

"That adds color and the Byun touch." 

"Come here," I said holding out a hand. He took it and I sat on the bed pulling him on my lap. I pulled his head down to kiss his forehead. His soft hands laid on my shoulders.

"Yixing, you're being too-"

"I'm sorry," I said pulling back.

"I don't want a relationship. This is too intimate." He said standing.

"Baek, I'm sorry."

"Can I shower?"

"Of course. I'll grab some extra clothes for you" I said getting up and going to my dresser. I heard the shower start and waited a while before going in. Baekhyun's back was facing me. Through the glass, I couldn't see much through the steam. I sat his clothes down and left. I hope I didn't scare him off. I wanted to take things slow. When he came out the room dressed in my black shirt and Nike sweatpants. He sat down in front of me handing me a towel.

"Dry my hair please." He requested. I took it and helped him dry it. Baekhyun was wearing my clothes and his scent was me. That alone had me helping myself in the shower. When I came out, Baekhyun was snuggled under the blankets. He stared at me before giving me a soft smile. I crawled into bed and pulled him closer to me. We stayed silent for a while. Baekhyun laid his head on my chest. I stopped breathing for a second. I slowly wrapped my arms around him. He flinched and I loosened my hold.

"It's okay." He whispered. I held him tighter as if he would disappear. Baekhyun drew figure eights on my chest. I slipped my hand into his and brought it to my mouth. I kissed each delicate finger. He buried his face and giggled. I wanted to stay like this for the rest of my life. I don't know if this is love but it's damn near close. I know it' snot infatuation anymore. This wasn't about my stupid book. It was about a boy named Byun Baekhyun. The serenity in my darkness. I buried my nose in his hair before finally falling into a peaceful sleep. It was the best sleep I've ever had. No weird dreams. When I woke up the bed was empty. I rubbed my eyes. Did he leave already? No goodbye or anything. I decided to wash up. When I exited my room a blonde head popped up from the couch. He lifted up a bowl.

"Cereal and Saturday cartoons." He said smiling. I smiled back and made my way over.

"I used the extra toothbrush. You don't look like you have guest often."

"It's fine. I bought it for a friend but he didn't come back with me." I sat down and laid my head on his lap. Baekhyun placed the bowl on my back. I chuckled.

"It's supposed to be a snow storm all day. Shall we stay inside and keep each other warm?" He asked. I gave a small hum and drifted back to sleep. I woke up to Baekhyun's hand running through my hair. I sat up and kissed him without warning. He kissed me back and I gently laid him on his back. He wrapped his legs around my waist. I kissed down his face and neck.

"Are you hungry? I am." He said causing me to stop. I chuckled and sat back. Baekhyun climbed into my lap and placed kisses on my face. He dry humped me. I grabbed his hips tightly.

"We don't have to rush, baby."

"I know. Feed me." He whined into my ear. I picked him up and sat him back down. I didn't have much in the fridge because I ate out a lot.

"Want to go to the store?" I asked turning around. Baekhyun looked frightened. He shook his head. If he was really hiding from his ex then it makes sense. What kind of guy would scar him like this? That bastard.

"Well, you can stay here while I run-"

"I don't want to be alone. Let's just order take out."

"The weather is really bad. Are you sure you want someone driving in this?" I asked leaning against the door frame. He sat on his knees and nodded.

"Come give me a kiss first," I said. Without another word, he was in front of me kissing me softly against the wall.

"Let's look at menus," I said pulling him into the kitchen. I sat on the island while he stood in between my legs reading through a few menus.

"Chinese?"

"I'll have to cook you real Chinese one day," I replied kissing his head. After ordering, we ended up in another heated make-out session. Baekhyun moaned and twisted under me as I slipped a hand into his sweatpants. I palmed him through the boxers. I looked up to see his head thrown back, mouth slightly open and eyes shut. I sat up to sloppily kiss him as my hand went into his boxers. Baekhyun moaned into my mouth. His hands clutched my shoulders and his body shook as I took his dick into my hand. He was a nice size. I placed butterfly kisses on his face as I began to stroke him. Baekhyun's moans started into small choppy breathing. I got off the couch to slide his boxers and sweats down. Baekhyun's face was red. He was always giving me such a good time with that pretty mouth now I wanted to return the favor. I kissed his left thigh and he jumped. I chuckled and looked up before kissing slowly down his shaft. I licked from the bottom to top before taking it into my mouth. Baekhyun grabbed a hold of my shirt. I bobbed my head up and down. His cock hit the back of my throat. Baekhyun hands clasped onto my hair and pulled as he became a moaning mess.

"Yixing. ah" He cried out. I took him out of my mouth. Baekhyun laid on the couch trying to catch his breath. I got back on the couch and spread his legs. One leg was over the top of the black couch and the other was hanging off. Baekhyun started stroking himself. His chest was a hint of red now. I bent back down kissing his thighs. I knew what I wanted. With ease, I lapped at his balls. Baekhyun's body twisted and he cried out once my mouth was on his hole.

"Yixing wait." He cried out. I started kissing his rim sloppily. Baekhyun couldn't speak. His words came out as choked cries. One hand had a death grip on my hair. I'm sure he pulled a few strands from my head. The other hand was stroking his own cock. Once I stuck my tongue inside, Baekhyun's body arched off the couch. I held his legs down because he was trying to close them. The doorbell started to ring but I continued to eat my fantasy boy out.

"Door! Yixing. Please." Baekhyun sobbed. I removed my mouth from his bottom and placed his dick in my mouth. The doorbell continued to ring. I stuck a finger inside Baekhyun and he came into my mouth with a loud moan. I pulled off and swallowed every drop. Baekhyun laid there with an arm over his face. I watched his blushing chest rise and fall. I got up and grabbed my wallet. I opened the door and handed the money over taking the food. I closed the door and made my way back to the living room. Baekhyun was gone. I washed up in the guestroom. Baekhyun finally came to join me for food 20 mins later. He was now in a clean pair of clothes. We sat in silence. Stupid Yixing. 

"I'm sorry," I said as we were cleaning up.

"For what?" Baekhyun said turning to me.

"Earlier. I should've asked you-" He cut me off with a finger on my lips.

"I loved it." He said holding my waist and kissing my lips.

"Why were you so quiet," I replied holding him.

"Never had someone eat my ass. It's been a fantasy of mine." He replied. You're a fantasy of mine, Byun Baekhyun. I picked him up and placed him on the counter and got lost in our kiss. I pulled back with a smack of our lips. His cheeky grin telling me he wanted more. I gave him a peck.

"I want to show you something," I said helping him down. He pouted but took my hand. I led him to a room. I unlocked the door and let him walk in. I turned on the light and leaned against the wall. Baekhyun was always like a kid in a candy store. This was my music room. Ever since I met Baekhyun, I decided to give my music another try.

"Can we record something?" He said playing in the booth. I nodded.

"Whatever you want. I remember you said you wanted to be a singer. It would be my pleasure recording a Baekhyun original." I said walking over. We spent hours playing with beats until Baekhyun found the perfect one. After eating again we spent hours writing. Baekhyun was brilliant. I could see him being an idol. He recorded the song with ease.

"Take You Home," I said stopping the music. Baekhyun removed his headphones and walked out the booth.

"You want to take me home?" He replied turning his head to the side. I smiled at the cuteness.

"No, it's the name of your song."

"Ahh. I love it."

"It's almost three. We should eat something."

"Order out?"

"No, let's go to the mart. It's 24 hours." I said walking out of the room. I gave Baekhyun some clothes and we made our way into the cold March night. My nervousness was getting the best of me. I wanted to hold his hand but I was scared. I was scared of rejection. Baekhyun turned to me smiling. I fixed his scarf and hat.

"You'll catch a cold."

"Thanks." He replied. I slipped my hand into his. Warm. He was so warm. Baekhyun looked alarmed but relaxed at my touch. We walked into the mart hand in hand. I grabbed a small cart. Baekhyun's eyes lit up.

"Strawberry milk." He said pointing to the fridge. I nodded and let go of his hand. He quickly grabbed three. Baekhyun opened one and placed the straw inside. He took my hand again. Through the trip, Baekhyun threw random items into the cart. I couldn't help but laugh. I pulled him in for a kiss.

"3 am dates are kind of our thing." was his only reply. While I was getting meat, I lost him for a few mins. When I returned, the color from his face was drained. I reached out to touch him but he jerked away.

"Baek? What happened."

"We have to go. Yixing, please! He saw me! Please!" He screamed. I abandoned the cart at the register to chase after him. The old lady called me.

"I'm sorry," I said bowing repeatedly.

"Why are you being loud? Pay for your food or leave." She said. I quickly paid for everything bowed one last time before running after Baekhyun. The snow was falling down slowly. There was no wind and the night was silent. Baekhyun's footprints were covered by the snow. The thought of Baekhyun scared and alone didn't sit well with me. I dropped the bags and took off running. I called his name loudly through the streets. Where are you?

"Baekhyun!" I screamed with all my might. That's when he appeared. That guy. I've seen him twice already. Was he following me? The tall man wore a long black coat. His black hat hid most of his face along with the scarf. Was this Baekhyun's ex? Was he stalking me now? I ran towards him and slammed him into the nearby shop window.

"You son of a bitch! Stay away from Baekhyun! Do you hear me?" I shouted grabbing the collar of his coat. He was much taller than me so I was looking up at him. His eyes crinkled. He was smiling. I sent a strong punch to his face. The man hunched over. I kneed him in the side and he dropped. His hat and scarf fell off and revealed his face. I grabbed a fistful of his hair.

"I don't know your history with Baekhyun but I can see the signs of abuse. He is afraid of you. Get some help. This is my one and only warning. Come near Baekhyun again and I will make your life a living hell." I whispered into his ear before shoving him down. I turned to leave but I heard him laugh. I balled my fists at my side. My temper has always been bad. I really didn't want to be arrested on attempted murder charges here.

"Baekhyun is mine. It's only a matter of time." He said. I turned around ready to kill but a hand grabbed me.

"Yixing, it's been a while," Junmyeon said. I ignored him and turned to the stranger. He must have run away. I turned back to Junmyeon.

"I'm sorry. I need to go. I said. I continued to search for Baekhyun. He's not from around here. Where could he have run to? I searched until the sun came up and my face was red from the deadly winter weather. I never found Baekhyun. I returned to the shop. The lady handed me my things. My head was throbbing and my hands were so cold that they were burning. I took one step and everything went black. When I woke up, I was staring at a white ceiling. I could hear monitors. I looked at my hand. There was an IV in my hand. I rolled my eyes.

"You idiot." The old lady from the shop said hitting me on the shoulder.

"What happened?" I asked sitting up.

"Hypothermia." A doctor said walking in. Great. Baekhyun.

"Did the boy come back?"

"What boy?"

"The one I was with."

"Oh-"

"You're lucky you didn't die out there."

"Drink." The old lady said handing me a warm cup. It was hot water with lemon and honey. I had to stay there for a few days. It was dreadful. Nana flew in to see me. I arrived home and she wouldn't leave me alone.

"Nana! I'm fine. Get out." I said.

"It's messy here. Wait? Two bowls? You had someone over?" She said excitedly. I rolled my eyes and plopped down on the couch.

"Was it the boy?" She asked.

"what boy?"

"The one you rushed back to see. The one you spent Christmas morning with. That boy."

"You're so annoying. Yes."

"Well! Tell me about him. What does he look like, how old is he, when is his birthday?" She asked plopping down on the couch. I refrained from telling her about the mess I made with Baekhyun on here a few days ago.

"His birthday?" I sat up. I have no clue when his birthday is or how old he is.

"What? You don't know his birthday. Have you guys slept with each other already?"

"Not like full sex but we've messed around."

"What's his name?"

"You're too nosey," I said pushing her and standing up.

"Do you have any photos of him."

"Can we stop talking about Baekhyun."

"Oh! I got a name." Nana said standing. She helped me clean up and then she decided to go to bed. I took a shower and got dressed. I needed to see Baekhyun. I took the 45 min ride to the cafe. I sat at my table. I was praying Baekhyun was safe. I was also pissed that he left without a word. He didn't even check in on me.

"Baekhyun's not here," Kyungsoo said throwing a menu on the table.

"Give me his address."

"Excuse me?"

"I need to see-"

"He's fine, so leave him alone!" He shouted slamming his hands on the table. No! That wasn't good enough.

"I haven't seen or heard from him in a week! I'm worried."

"Baekhyun has been fine all this time! Then you show up and ruin everything! He almost caught Baekhyun that night! Baekhyun came back crying. He was shaking in my arms! Stay away from him before you make him permanently disappear. I know guys like you! You use boys like Baekhyun to get what you want then throw them away! You can never love him. For his own good and yours, stay away from Byun Baekhyun." He spat. Kyungsoo stormed away. I put my head in my hands. Kyungsoo was right. I can't love Baekhyun. I don't know how. I don't want to be the one to hurt him. I left the shop. I was happy Nana was sleeping when I returned. I sat on my window sill for the rest of the night staring at the moon. It was a cool crisp night. I could use a drink right now. God, I could use a drink. I grabbed my jacket and decided to hit up a bar. I swung the door open to reveal my fantasy boy. He wore the same scarf and hat I gave him a week ago.

"Hi." He whispered. I took everything in me to not slam the door in his face. I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. I held him. I held him tight to my chest. I held his trembling body close to my warm body.

"Where have you been?"

"Hiding." He said wrapping his arms around my body. We stood there quietly. I didn't know what to say and I'm sure he was nervous. I decided to pull him into my room. We laid in bed just taking in each other's presence. 

"Want to take a hot shower?" I asked uncurling from his body. He nodded and I helped him to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet as he stripped from his clothes. The steam from the shower was already filling the room. Baekhyun turned and smiled.

"Join me."

"Okay, but I should warn you. My best friend is in the guest room. If you plan on staying the night, I don't want you to get shocked in the morning." I said standing and stripping off my clothes. We climbed into the hot waterfall. Baekhyun attacked my lips instantly. I was taken back by his actions. It's been a week and he wasn't a bit shy. Something was off. I could feel it in the way he kissed me. It wasn't the usual love filled kiss. Baekhyun was hurting, Baekhyun was scared. His hands laid on my chest as the water encaged us. I pulled back.

"What's wrong?" I said pushing his hair away from his face.

"I missed you." He replied. I kissed his cheek. I turned us around so that Baekhyun's back was now against the wall.

"Let me show you how much I missed you," I said stroking his soft dick in my hand. Baekhyun shuttered. Once he was hard I placed him in my mouth. A few sucks and strokes later he was coming. I stood back up and kissed him. His tongue roamed and lapped up every trace of himself in my mouth.

"Take me in the shower."

"Are you sure?" I asked. Baekhyun hooked his arms around my neck and hopped up. His legs wrapped around my waist.

"Yes."

"Prep yourself for me," I said putting him back down. Baekhyun turned around to face the wall. He bent at his waist and held the wall with his left hand. I watched as his fingers found their way to his hole. Baekhyun looked back at me as the water hit his body again. Baekhyun placed a finger inside of himself.With his eyes shut, Baekhyun started to finger himself. I was jerking myself in my hand when he added a second finger. Baekhyun let my name fall out of his mouth. I pulled his hips closer.

"Inside Yixing," Baekhyun begged taking his fingers out. He laid both hands on the black titles of the shower. I took my time easing into him. My teeth were buried in my bottom lip. It must have been a while since Baekhyun has been with someone.

"Too tight," I said pausing my movement. Baekhyun's head turned to face me. He smirked.

"More." I slowly eased another inch in before I got comfortable. I held his hips tighter as I picked up a steady pace. Once I found a good rhythm, I dropped my hand from his hips. I yanked Baekhyun back by one arm and kissed him aggressively. Baekhyun hooked his right arm around my neck. Moans, mixed with skin slapping against skin, and the water falling on our bodies filled the black private bathroom. Baekhyun's back was now against the wall. His thighs found a place wrapped around my waist as I pounded into him. His head was thrown back and his fingers dug into my back viciously. My mouth was attached to his neck. My teeth clamped down hard as I felt ready to come. Baekhyun came again and let out a scream as my teeth found unclaimed skin. I was ready to pull out but Baekhyun held me closer.

"You sure?" I asked. He nodded. With a few more thrusts I was coming while kissing my fantasy boy. What started in the shower ended up being brought to the bed. Baekhyun was currently riding me and my hands were glued to his ass. He reached back and took my hands in his. I gave him a few quick thrusts up. I could never get tired of hearing him moan my name. Suddenly, I sat up, forcing Baekhyun to hit the mattress. I pushed his legs until his knees hit his chest. I wanted Baekhyun to feel me, I wanted to feel him. Baekhyun's quick breathing turned into shouts of pleasure. I released his legs and the dropped. Baekhyun reached put for me. My hands were placed near the sides of his head. His face was red and full of sweat. His brown furls were now flat and stuck to his forehead. I'm sure I was a mirroring image. His lips were red and puffy. His neck and chest covered in purple and light teeth marks. My handprints on his hips thighs and ass. I wanted it everywhere on him. Baekhyun was mine. I had to have him. He was trying to speak to me but I kept hitting his prostate causing him to become a mess. Baekhyun reached out and touched my face as we both reached our climax. I kissed his hand and collapsed on him. He ran his hands through my hair lightly until I fell asleep. That night, I didn't dream. When I woke up, Baekhyun was gone. Traces of him was found nowhere except the messy bed. Nana was sitting in the living room watching a tv show.

"Did you see Baeekhyun?" I asked after washing up. She choked on her cereal and turned to me.

"He was here? I missed him! I knew I heard something! How could he leave without saying anything!" She shouted standing. I rolled my eyes. Nana told me she had to head back to China. She encouraged me to finish the book soon. The company was pressing for new content. I sat at my laptop for hours working because when I looked at the clock it was after 2 am. I didn't eat. The was a knock at my door. I made my way over expecting Jongdae but to my surprise, it was Baekhyun with food.

"I figured you would be working. You didn't come down to the cafe."

"You left me without a word again."

"I freaked out a bit. Waking up next to you was-"

"Too intimate? Baekhyun I fucked you in the shower, on the floor and bed last night."

"I know. I'm still sore and have a ton of bruises you know! Kyungsoo was asking about them."

"And what did you tell him," I asked taking the bags and heading to the kitchen. I placed them down and turned to face him. Baekhyun removed his scarf, jacket, and hat. He placed them on the chair and made his way to me.

"I told him I was thoroughly fucked last night by a writer." He replied. I crossed my arms and let the smirk spread. Baekhyun kissed my lips.

"Let's eat." He said turning away. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"Not hungry for food," I said pulling him into another kiss. Two hours later, after fucking on every surface of the kitchen we were on the floor eating take out in our boxers. Baekhyun's back was against the cabinet as I sat between his legs. He would feed me every now and then from his plate. And I would share mine. Every now and then we shared a small kiss.

"So, what do we have going on?" Baekhyun said putting his plate down next to us. I placed mine on top of his and turned to face him. His finger traced my Adam's apple.

"I want to be with you. Wow, that sounds much lamer coming out like that." I confessed. Baekhyun chuckled.

"I like you, Baekhyun. I do. I want to give this a try. I know you've been through some things. I can't promise you that we will always have sunny days but I can promise you on our rainy days we'll dance in the thunderstorm together. I've never been in a relationship, so I will let you lead." Baekhyun leaned forward.

"Is this what it will be like dating a writer?" He asked. I smiled.

"Yes," I replied with a deeper kiss.

"Before we make it official, I need to do two things."

"Anything."

"I need to visit a place and two you need to promise me something."

"What is it?"

"Please don't fall in love with me."

"Baek-"

"I'm serious. I bring misfortune."

"Maybe to others but you've brought light to my life Baekhyun. If I fall in love with you there's nothing I can do-"

"I'll run away and leave you." He said cutting me off. I smiled. This must be stage one. Stupidly falling in love because the words that came out my mouth next was shocking even for me.

"If you choose to do that I'll be okay," I said lying through my teeth. Deep down inside I knew that losing Baekhyun would haunt me forever. I would do everything in my power to find him. I sat back and shook my head. I didn't want to scare him. He's been running from his past long enough.

"Where do you need to go?" I asked rubbing his thighs

-

-

The train ride was pretty long. Baekhyun slept most of the way. I was really nervous. We were going to his hometown. I was not ready to meet his family. I felt like I knew them already the way he always spoke about them. I got the shock of my life when we arrived at a cemetery. Baekhyun asked me to buy flowers so I did. Two sets of them. I noticed the flowers from our first date night and like a sudden pull I was asking for them and roses. I found Baekhyun in front of a grave. Oh Sehun. Baekhyun never talked about this guy before. I could see on his face he was torn up. It didn't look like people visited him a lot. I handed Baekhyun the roses. I pulled back. Roses were a sign of love. Yixing this is no time to be jealous. I handed to him.

"I'm sorry, It's been so long. You must have waited for me. I miss you so much, Sehun, I'm so sorry. I lov-"I walked away before he finished the words. It could be his best friend, right? I sound stupid. Being jealous of a dead person. Baekhyun returned to me and buried himself in my side. He was sobbing loudly. The night was cool. The moon was a big bright light in the black sky. I held him until he calmed down. He pulled away and wiped his face. I handed him the other flowers.

"Do you like these ugly things?" He asked.

"I don't know. Something said to get them. I researched them."

"Oh? What are they?"

"Bird of paradise."

"Hmm. They do look like birds. You should stay here. I'll put these down." He said making his way to another grave. I stuffed my hands into my pocket and looked up at the bright moon. When Baekhyun returned, he held my hand and kissed my lips. He remained quiet the whole way back. 

We took a normal shower together. Besides the heavy kissing every few mins, it was mostly just touching. Baekhyun clung to me as soon as we got under the sheets.

"Am I too clingy now?" He asked. I shook my head no. This was new to me and it felt so right. 

"You're my boyfriend." He said kissing my cheek.

"I am. You're my boyfriend." I replied pulling him even closer. We fell asleep soon. Peaceful. Everything was peaceful that night. I decided to wake up first and cook breakfast. Baekhyun came out an hour later. His brown curly bed head was messy. I kissed his forehead as he yawned. I slid his plate over and we ate. We talked about random things. I didn't even care. As long as I got to hear his deep voice in the morning I was fine. Baekhyun told me he's been learning Chinese. It was a mess but I thought it was cute. Somehow we ended up on the counter kissing. Well, I was on the counter. Baekhyun stood in between my legs. His soft hands grabbed a hold of my thighs and pulled me closer to him. I stopped the kiss. My heart was beating so fast and I could feel myself getting aroused. Baekhyun smiled and tilted his head.

"Why did you stop?" He asked.

"We should do something today."

"I want to do you today." He said pulling me by my t-shirt.

"Baek, we don't need to have sex only. We're a couple." 

"It's been a long time for me. Sorry." He replied moving back. I wrapped my legs around him, so he was trapped.

"You want to top me?"

"Yes." He said with big eyes and a matching smile. I hopped down and pulled him to the bedroom. Baekhyun shoved me down to the bed.

"Eager are we?"

"You have no idea. The first time you walked into the shop I wanted to bend you over my table." He whispered near my ear. Shivers went down my back as he groped me through my boxers. Heavy kissing, needy hands, and dirty words fell from his mouth. Baekhyun was full of wonders. Everything stopped at the sound of my doorbell. I pulled Baekhyun back. I didn't want those hands to stop touching me. I screamed out in frustration as he laughed next to me.

"They'll go away. Please Baek, please touch me." I said practically begging. Baekhyun kissed my cheek.

"I don't think so." I rolled my eyes and pulled my underwear back on. I stomped to the door angrily. I swung the door open shocked to see Kyungsoo and Freyja. How did they even know where I lived. Kyungsoo looked pissed.

"Byun Baekhyun!" He shouted pushing me to the side. Baekhyun came rushing out. Freyja gave me a wink. I grabbed the couch pillow to cover my situation below. This was really embarrassing. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun were whispering to each other.

"You don't say anything for days. I was scared!" Kyungsoo shouted throwing his hands in the air.

"And you! You think you can hold my friend up in the house for 3 days." 3 days? I didn't even know it has been that long.

"Get dress you missed work last night. You get a boyfriend and get reckless. Stop being so childish. I can't look after you always." Kyungsoo said shoving him into the bedroom. I sat on the couch awkwardly with Freyja. She laid her head on my shoulder making it even more awkward. They were really protective of Baekhyun but to my knowledge, Baekhyun was older than Kyungsoo.

"Why-"

"We're a family," Freyja replied.

"I see."

"Baekhyun has been with us for a little while now. He doesn't have his family here. I took him in. He's like a son to me and a brother to Kyungsoo. We just want what's best for him. He's been through a lot."

"I've heard. I mean not everything but I know about his ex."

"He told you?"

"No, I mean we ran into him and Baekhyun freaked out. I put two and two together."

"Oh, I see." She said laying back now. Kyungsoo came out the room with Baekhyun fully dressed. 

"I have to go," Baekhyun said playing with the zipper of his coat. I nodded. He started to walk away but I grabbed his hand lightly. I poked out my lip. Yes, I was asking for a kiss goodbye. He smiled and kissed my lips softly. He pulled my bottom lip between his teeth.

"See you later handsome." He said as Kyungsoo pulled him away. After a cold shower, I jumped back into my new novel. Jongdae facetimed me and we stayed on for a while. I held back on telling him about my new relationship status. It's not that I wanted to hide it. I just didn't want Nana or him bombarding me with questions about Baekhyun. As days went by, my life became Byun Baekhyun and writing. We spent every chance we had together. It was a late Friday on May 4th, we had just finished fucking not too long ago. I was laying on Baekhyun as he ran his fingers through my hair. I was trying to listen to his heartbeat but he was humming. I could feel myself drifting.

"Do you want me to get a bath ready?" He asked. I nodded my head.

"I'm gonna feel this in the morning," I mumbled into his chest.

"I like when you ride me though." He said sitting up. I sat up and watched him walk to the bathroom naked. I laid back and closed my eyes. Baekhyun returned and dragged me to the bathroom. He climbed in first and I climbed in after. My back against his chest. Baekhyun's head rested on my shoulder. His hands lightly running along my thighs. I laid my head back and his delicate lips kissed along my shoulder. We hurried out the bath just to make out in the bed for the rest of the night.

"I have to get ready for work," Baekhyun said with a sigh. I let go of his body as he stood up and started toward the bathroom. I dropped Baekhyun off at the cafe. Everyone said hello and asked if I was staying. I decided to leave Baekhyun alone for work until a conversation caught my attention.

"I know but I think Baekhyun will like the gift this year. He's happy these days." A waitress said to another. I gave them a smile.

"Is Baekhyun celebrating his birthday this year?" She asked me. Birthday? When is his birthday?

"Baekhyun's birthday is the 6th." The other girl replied. Baekhyun didn't tell me a thing. We've been dating for 2 months now. Was I supposed to ask that first? I'm messing up already. Why wouldn't he tell me first? I decided to stop at the bar and meet up with Junmyeon. It's been a long time since we hung out. After a few drinks, we were both laying out our problems.

"I mean maybe he doesn't celebrate his birthday. Talk it out with him."

"I should," I said. The next day Baekhyun didn't come over until 12 am. I opened the door and sat down on the couch. He went to the bedroom and undressed. When he returned, he sat in my lap.

"It's your birthday. Why didn't you tell me? I waited for you to say something."

"It's not important." He said standing.

"Everyone else knows. You even accepted a gift from-"

"I don't celebrate my birthday!" He shouted.

"Why?"

"It's none of your business!"

"Are you kidding me? I told you everything about me."

"You hid the fact that you're some big-time writer. What are you writing all day hmm? About me."

"I didn't hide it."

"So what do you call it?"

"Baek, it's not something I hid from you. Why are we even talking about this? It's your birthday and I get that you don't celebrate it but you could've told me how old you were. I don't even know how old you are. My God. I don't know much about you."

"Yix-"

"Save it," I said walking into the bedroom. I got dressed and grabbed the envelope. I walked out and dropped it into Baekhyun's lap before leaving the house. I ended up having drinks with Jnumyeon at his place.

"So, did you guys work it out?"

"I'm drinking with you does it look like it?"

"Sorry," Junmyeon said laying his head on my shoulder.

"Why aren't you out. I thought you had a date?" I asked putting my beer down.

"I canceled."

"Cold feet?" I asked laughing.

"Something like that. You called me even though you knew I had a date." He said with a chuckle. 

"I was hoping it would be over." I looked over at the time. It was almost 3. I decided to get home. Junmyeon wanted me to stay to cool off but I wasn't angry. I just wanted to hold Baekhyun. I rushed home. What if he left? I opened the door to find him sitting on the couch. His knees against his chest. His eyes were red and swollen. I found myself at his side without thinking.

"25," He said hugging me.

"What about?"

"I turn 25 today."

"Baek, I'm sorry."

"It's my fault. " He replied. The rest of the morning consisted of us, well Baekhyun talking about himself. I made him breakfast and he talked the whole time. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Are you sure you're not a secret chief too?"

"I'm not," I said turning to kiss his lips.

"I read your first book. Did you come up with it from experience or?"

"I was daydreaming."

"About boys in sweaty baseball uniforms?" He asked taking his seat at the island. I threw a napkin at him as I sat our plates down. I took a seat next to him.

"I had a crush on the baseball captain," I confessed. Baekhyun turned to me with the fork still in his mouth. Everything about him was charming.

"Did you confess?" He asked chewing his food. I shook my head.

"Baekhyun, I wasn't lying when I said this was my first relationship." He nodded and we ate quietly. The rest of the day consisted of us laying in the bed watching whatever Baekhyun wanted. Maybe one or two blowjobs but it was just cuddling for the most part. Baekhyun liked to stay inside all day. I guess that made sense with his ex stalking him. I sat up and Baekhyun followed. His eyes staring at me with curiosity. 

"Can we talk about your ex?" I asked nervously. I didn't want Baekhyun to shut down again. He nodded.

"Sehun was my first love. It's a cliche love story. We were schoolmates. Grew up in the same neighborhood and went to the same school. We didn't start dating until senior year. I was the captain of the baseball team."

"You play baseball?"

"I played. I haven't in a long time."

"Sorry, go on."

"So Sehun confessed to me first. Everyone knew we loved each other. My parents were fine with it but Sehun's parents wanted him to settle down with a nice girl. When they knew that wouldn't happen, they disowned their son. It didn't matter because we were going to uni together. We had our own apartment and part-time jobs. We were doing so well for us but Sehun. He got mixed up in the wrong..." I pulled Baekhyun into my arms again.

"You don't have to say it, Baekhyun."

"He died on my birthday." Holy Hell! Good fucking job, Yixing!

"I'm so sorry, Baekhyun." From that day on there weren't any more secrets between us. I didn't bring up Baekhyun's other ex. I think he avoided that one. I had given Baekhyun a key to my place, so I wouldn't have to keep letting him in. This dark place became bright and full of life thanks to Baekhyun. Our apartment. I smiled thinking about a long life with Baekhyun. He was sleeping on my lap. Last night he had a busy shift. I'm glad he was done with classes for now. Now, we had all the time in the world but Baekhyun still wanted to only stay indoors. My phone started to ring. I bent over and picked it up. It was Nana.

"Yixing! You need to catch a flight back home ASAP! This is mandatory." Nana shouted.

"What's going on?"

"News about your new book leaked. We need to do a press con. Everyone is freaking out."

"I don't feel like it," I replied.

"Yixing! This book could really put you up their with the greats! You need to do a press con."

"But-"

"No buts! Your team has booked your flight back home. You'll be back in China for two weeks then you can go back home to Baekhyun." She teased. I sighed. I didn't want to leave Baekhyun alone. I can tell Baekhyun didn't want me to leave either. He sat on the bed watching me pack with those soft puppy eyes. I placed my hands at the foot of the bed.

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks." He replied back. He tossed his arms around my neck.

"I'll be back in two weeks. I'll make it up to you."

"You'll fuck me on the grand piano."

"That was a gift from my grandparents, Baekhyun. Can you stop asking me that."

"It's just a thought. No one would know but us." He whispered into my ear. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't. I kissed his lips and grabbed my bag.

"Baekhyun, why don't you have a phone?"

"Don't want to be traced."

"If I get you a phone on my plan will you use it?" I asked. He nodded.

"Only to speak to you." He replied with a grin. I nodded. I was late to my flight because Baekhyun had to kiss me until he was satisfied which happened to be 15 mins of kissing and dry humping. It was chaotic in China. Cameras everywhere, reporters yelling questions at me. At the company, it was 10 x worse. I barely made it inside. I was pissed off. How did it leak? Only a handful of people read the draft. I sat at the office table while they talked. 

"Get him dressed and ready to make a statement." One of my managers said. I rolled my eyes. It's not that I hated fame. I loved the support from my fans. It was the vultures that live off trashing my name and work. The blogs and journalists. They were a pain in my ass. I remember they tried to start a rumor about me dating some girl that I never even met! We just so happened to post the same photos. But it was months apart. Bothersome. I finished getting ready for this press con. I pulled Nana to the side.

"Can you open another phone on my account. The newest iPhone is fine in gold or Space Grey whatever they have. Here are my account info and my card. Thanks, I love you lots." I said kissing her forehead before stepping out. I fixed my sports jacket and met up with my manager. The room was full of reporters. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I stepped to the podium. Let the games begin. Questions after Questions came flying to me. I've done this plenty of times. It wasn't new. Except for the new reporter. I haven't seen her and her question caused me to freeze up.

"You're currently seeing someone." She stated standing up. Everyone's eyes turned to me.

"I am," I replied. The room started whispering.

"In Korea?" What the hell? How does she even know that? I always make sure I'm private in Korea. I don't even go by my name. I really don't want to trouble Baekhyun with this life.

"No, I'm not."

"You're not seeing someone in Korea?"

"We have photos and information that says otherwise." What? Panic. I was panicking on the inside but the first rule is, don't let them see you panic. So, I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"I'm not dating anyone in Korea. The person I'm seeing is my editor. Thank you for your time. Please look forward to my new book." Everyone started shouting questions. I rushed off stage. I was only up there for 45 mins but it seemed like forever. Nana stood there with wide eyes. I gave her a small smile. She shoved the bag into my chest and stormed out. Jongdae started laughing. My manager was going to kill me. She flipped out. I'm sure she wanted to sack me a few times. She paced and yelled saying this was going to impact my career. I couldn't throw Baekhyun under the bus. Not when he wants to be erased from the earth damn near. Maybe if we get his stalker put away Baekhyun could live normally. That's it! I'll get the cops involved. Baekhyun shouldn't live like this. Being harassed 24/7. My thoughts stopped at the small hand connecting to my face. I knew it was coming. I rubbed my cheek.

"Did you even think about poor Nana? The press and fans will eat her alive." Oh man, Nana. I left the room to find her. I knew exactly where she always went when she was upset. Company garden. She was swinging on the loveseat swing. I took a seat next to her.

"Nana, I'm sorry."

"I'm engaged." SHe said turning to me. Yixing!

"I'll tell everyone it was a joke."

"Are you happy?" She asked turning to me. I closed my mouth and looked up at the stars. I was.

"I am."

"Because of Baekhyun, right?"

"Yes, I think so."

"It's good to see you happy. Yixing, it's been a long time since I've seen that smile. The smile that meets your eyes. The smile that is the real Yixing. I'm glad he's back. You have been holding it in for a long time." She said looking at the stars as well. That's true. It had been a long time since I felt that life was worth living. If Baekhyun was the reason then I'll cherish him and love him forever. I covered my mouth as if I said a bad word. Baekhyun made me promise not to fall in love with him. I think he's scared that he'll lose me or he's scared of his ex but I'll show him. Life is better with us together. I'll show you, Byun Baekhyun.


	2. Love Is A Losing Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had all and then most of you  
> Some and now none of you  
> Take me back to the night we met

Small kisses were being placed on my face. I could get used to this.

"Baek, you're teasing me," I said turning over. I opened my eyes to find our two-month-old corgi puppy licking my face. I sat up.

"Baekhyun! What did I say about the dog being on the bed." I shouted. Baekhyun rushed into the room and grabbed the puppy.

"Daddy is so mean! He can hear you." Baekhyun said covering his ears. I rolled my eyes and laid back down.

"Say sorry to Bobohu."

"No," I said pulling the covers back over my head. I felt Baekhyun sit on top of me and place the puppy on my chest.

"Yixing, you're too mean to him."

"I didn't want a puppy."

"But you got him for me because you're too busy flying to China every week," Baekhyun replied in an annoyed tone. I felt him get up. I sat up and pulled him back to me. It was true. There was a lot going on with the book. It's done and now Nana has been working her magic along with the rest of my team. My week in China turned into a month one time. It was the middle of June now and I just wanted to be with Baekhyun. I knew I couldn't so I got him a dog because that's what he wanted and I didn't want him to be lonely. Baekhyun kissed my neck as I rubbed his back.

"I won't be gone for a month this time," I said rubbing his back.

"Can you just move here for good. We can get a place together."

"Baek, you practically live here." I chuckled petting Bobohu.

"I do. It's probably why Kyungsoo hates you." He said standing up. I took a quick shower and met Baekhyun in the living room. He was on the floor playing with the dog. I sat on the couch and scrolled through emails on my phone. I was about to reply to Jongdae when Baekhyun plopped his head in my lap. He looked up at me smiling. I looked down at the floor to see Bobohu mirroring his owner.

"We're hungry," Baekhyun said.

"Did you wait for me to wake up to make your food," I asked. Both heads nodded which caused me to laugh. I rubbed his head and stood up to make breakfast. Both of them sat in the kitchen watching quietly. It didn't take long for them to finish their food. We both got dressed to take Bobohu for a walk. Baekhyun clung to my arm as I held the leash. He really enjoyed his walks. It took some begging for Baekhyun to finally come out with me during the day. I think these days his ex hasn't surfaced. But Baekhyun felt safer by my side, so while we were out he never let go of my hand or arm. I bent down to undo the leash so Bobohu could play with the other dogs in the park. Baekhyun watched happily. It felt good to see him happy. It made me happy. I felt a burning in my chest. I covered my mouth and started to cough. I let go of Baekhyun's arm and began to cover my mouth. I could taste the blood. Baekhyun grabbed me.

"Yixing, let's go home, please. Please." He said on the verge of tears. I wiped my hand on my jeans. I nodded and called Bobohu back. We went back home and Baekhyun sat on my lap.

"It's probably just a cold."

"I saw the blood in the napkin the other day." He said holding my face in his warm hands. So warm. They feel nice.

"I think it's all the traveling. It's catching up with me."

"Yixing,"

"Baby, I'm fine." 

"Please go to the doctor."

"I will when I get back to China tomorrow. For now, I want to spend the day with you."

"And Bobohu," Baekhyun said picking up the puppy and shoving his butt in my face. I pushed him aside.

"Yea him too," I said rolling my eyes. We laid on the couch for the rest of the afternoon. Baekhyun's phone started ringing. I sat up so he could get it. He took it into the bedroom. That was weird. I picked Bobohu up and kissed his head. Baekhyun was taking long so I decided to check on him.

"I haven't seen him. We go out. Maybe he's gone." Baekhyun whispered into the phone. It sounds like he was talking about his ex.

"Yixing is getting sick. What if- Kyungsoo! I'm scared. I can't lose him. I know. I'm sorry. I should have listened. I'll come home." Baekhyun said. I backed away from the door. Of course, he's scared. His first love died. I'm not going to die Baekhyun. I promise. I sat back on the couch and waited for him. He returned with a packed bag.

"Kyungsoo needs me tonight. I'll go home." This is your home. I wanted to say. Bobohu chased after him. Baekhyun bent down and gave him a rub before leaving the apartment. I felt cold. Chilled to the bone. Baekhyun didn't even acknowledge me. I got up to lock the door. Bobohu began scratching at the door. I picked him up and he tried to get out of my arms.

"I know. I miss him too." I said taking him to the bedroom. Baekhyun didn't come home the day after either. I was leaving and it seemed like he was ignoring my calls. I couldn't sleep last night either. I kept having night terrors to the point I woke up screaming and kicking. Someone was chasing me. They wanted to kill me. I could never see the face. It was a tall dark figure. I didn't know what to do with Bobohu. I had a flight to catch and Baekhyun hadn't responded to my texts or calls. I decided to show up at Junmyeon's house with the pup in hand. He opened the door surprised to see me. When I say I've been living in Byun Baekhyun world 24/7, it was the truth. 

"Huge favor. Well, a small favor." I said holding put the barking puppy. Junmyeon took him.

"You owe me."

"I don't know what's going on with my boyfriend but I have to fly to China. He won't answer my calls or texts. So, can you watch him until I get back?" I asked standing at the door. Junmyeon looked at the puppy and back at me. I tried my best at giving him a puppy look.

"It doesn't work for you." He replied laughing. It was worth a shot.

"But I will do it."

"Great. These are the keys to my apartment. Bobohu needs to be walked once in the morning, fun time consist of running around his playroom. That's if you go to my house. Baekhyun turned the extra guest room to a playroom for him. He's on a strict diet. I listed it all right here. Make sure to walk him at night. 2 am. I know it's late but he's set on a certain schedule thanks to his dad. If he pees indoors, scold him in Chinese."

"Your dog understands Chinese?"

"Yeah, That's my doing. When I get angry I speak my native tongue." I said scratching my head.

"Noted. What if I'm there and your boyfriend comes home? Will he be mad?" He asked putting the puppy down. I didn't think of that.

"I'll deal with that if it happens. Thanks so much. If you have any questions please text me."

"Right! Since you won't be around Baekhyun you will reply to my text." He said bitterly. I'm a really bad friend these days. I didn't even make it to Nana's engagement party. After the press con, I had to explain that I was joking and announce Nana's engagement. I think she developed a fanbase of her own now.

"When I get back we'll go out for drinks like old times," I said nodding. The flight back home was tiring. My mind was all over the place plus I wasn't feeling too good. I decided to visit Jongdae first. I crashed on his couch face down.

"I think all this flying is catching up with me," I mumbled into the couch.

"You do look like shit."

"Thanks," I said sitting up. The front door opened revealing Nana. She sprinted to me and jumped on me.

"It's done. Everything is done! The first copies will be printed in November. Yixing, I cried I laughed, I even had sex cause of that book."

"Nana," I said shoving her to the floor. I didn't need to hear the last part.

"I'm serious. I think it's your best work. I feel everything. The emotions of Boxian when Lay leaves him. It's like a slap in the face. I cried for hours. I couldn't even go on reading it. I felt like I was left. Everyone will hate Lay. I can see Boxian having fans. You're definitely going to get a movie deal with this one." She said taking a seat next to me. I rubbed my eyes. I felt exhausted. I had no energy to move. I could feel that burning sensation coming back. I coughed into my sleeve. The blood came almost immediately. Nana screamed. She grabbed my arm to reveal my crimson mouth. 

"Yixing! Are you okay."

"Yes, I think. I'm a little si-" Everything faded to black. When I opened my eyes, I heard people talking. If they brought me to the hospital, I'm going to kill them. I sat up. Thankfully I was in Jongdae's bed. Jongdae, Nana, and some guy were standing at the foot talking. Nana was the first to see me. She rushed over and pushed me to lay back down.

"Yixing.You scared me." She cried wiping my forehead with a towel.

"I'm sorry."

"This is my umm friend. Minseok. He's a doctor. I know how you hate hospitals."

"So, what's wrong with me?"

"Exhaustion, I want to say. But I think we should run some tests."

"I'm fine," I said sitting up.

"Yixing you look much paler than usual. I'm worried. You've been working so hard on this book and not taking care of yourself." She said rubbing my face. I agreed to go to his hospital. I didn't want to be seen by the media, so we snuck into the back. I let him run whatever test he needed. My phone started to ring. Baekhyun's named flashed on the scene. It was 3 am there.

"Hello stranger," I said walking into the bathroom.

"Kyungsoo was going through some things. I turned my phone off."

"I see," I said leaning on the sink with one hand as the other held the phone to my ear. I took a look in the mirror. I did look different. My skin looked cold and clammy. I had dark circles under my eyes. and my lips were a deep red from the blood still. I looked like a vampire to be quite honest.

"There's that guy in our house."

"Oh? Junmyeon. He's watching Bobohu for me since you disappeared."

"I didn't."

"You did."

"I didn't, Yixing don't fight with me."

"This is fighting?" I said turning around and rolling my eyes.

"When will you be back?"

"Why do you care?"

"You're sick."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Not."

"Stop!" 

"Then you stop. Baekhyun you can't keep shutting me out and expect me to know something is wrong. I'm trying here. I told you I would let you lead us but I don't know if I can be led into this completely blinded with someone who keeps pulling me in circles."

"So maybe we should break up." He whispered. I pulled the phone from my ear and closed my eyes. I was trying to be as calm as possible. I placed the phone back to my ear.

"Let's talk face to face when I get home. I think we both said enough."

"I think we shouldn't see each other for a while."

"Baekhyun, stop."

"Please Yixing this was a bad idea. It was a really bad idea. He's coming after you now. I can't. Yix-" I could hear the phone being snatched in the background. Baekhyun was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Yixing. Leave Baekhyun alone. It's for both of you. Just trust me."

"Kyungsoo. Let me talk to him, please. I can't. We can't end like this. Please. I'll protect him. Whoever this guy is can't keep me away from Baekhyun. I can promise you that."

"Yixing. I'm begging you-"

"I love him."

"No! Yixing No! Baekhyun get out of the damn room!" Kyungsoo shouted. Breaking. Every novel I've ever read about heartbreak was now coming to light. 

"Kyungsoo, please. I'm begging you. Don't take him away from me." I said defeated. Kyungsoo sighed.

"I'm sorry." He replied hanging up. I threw my phone into the mirror. I needed to get home. I opened the door to find Nana standing there.

"The test results are back." She said. She looked like she wanted to ask questions. I ignored her and went to the room. There I was told I was healthy. I had no known disease. I wasn't dying. He could only conclude exhaustion being the case. Back at Jongdae's place, Nana sat at my side.

"Did you have a fight with Baekhyun?"

"We broke up I guess," I said with a shrug.

"Maybe-"

"Nope."

"You can't give up! Yixing you love him. I know he loves you. Go home and fight for him."

"Wait, what?" Jongdae said walking back into the room.

"Sorry." She said.

"You're seeing someone? Why am I last to know."

"It doesn't matter he broke up with me."

"I agree with Nana. Go get him back."

"I can't"

"Since when do you quit?" Jongdae said. It's hard to explain the more I want Baekhyun the more he makes himself unavailable to me. But I needed answers and I needed them now! I wouldn't let his psycho ex ruin this for me. So I hopped on a flight back to Korea a few days later. I went to the cafe only to find out Baekhyun quit and no one has heard from him in days. He was running again. Baekhyun fucking Hell! I smacked the front glass of the outside window. Stop running. I decided to go home and call my phone company.

"Yes, I misplaced my phone. I was wondering if you could put the GPS on." I asked.

"What's the pin?"

"1006," I said sitting down and opening my laptop.

"All set sir."

"Thanks," I replied hanging up. So glad I set up Find My iPhone now. I found the phone right at home in his draw with the key to the apartment. I was pissed. I threw the dresser to the floor and started pacing the room. I'm sure he must be with Kyungsoo. I need to find Kyungsoo. For a week every single day, I went to the shop. Baekhyun was gone along with Kyungsoo. Freyja wouldn't even tell me where they lived so I could go see myself. I felt hopeless. I felt lost. My heart and body were aching. I couldn't breathe. And soon the light Baekhyun brought into my life was dimming down. I buried myself in work and shut out the world. I found myself writing more stories. But this was different from my love stories. It was full of hate, hurt, and anger. I spent nights writing. and When I couldn't write any more stupid stories. I wrote music and songs. It was Septemeber now. I stopped looking for Baekhyun in August. It wasn't willingly either. I told Baekhyun that if he left I would search for him. Well, I didn't tell him that out loud. Let's just say I got banned from the cafe. Bobohu jumped into my lap. I ran my hand through his tan fur. I don't know when was the last time I got a good night's rest. The bags under my eyes were dark and worrisome. If Nana was to see me like this she would kill me. I've been thinking about moving back to China for good. My doorbell started to ring. Bobohu hopped down and waddled to the door. I knew he was hoping it was Baekhyun because so was I. I was slightly disappointed to see Jongdae, Junmyeon, and Nana. I let them in.

"Yixing. You can't keep this up. It's just one guy."

"Fuck off," I said laying face down on the couch. That one guy has done more for me than anyone else in this world. I felt Nana sit on my legs. Baekhyun's laugh, his smile, the way he cares for people, the pout he does when he doesn't get his way, and that voice. Waking up to his singing through my apartment every morning. Waking up to those smooth vocals that can put anyone in a trance. Baekhyun wasn't just some guy. Baekhyun became apart of me.

"Let's go out get you some fresh air. You look terrible." Nana said pulling my head up by my hair.

"Are you sick?" Jongdae asked feeling my head. I swatted his hand away and sat up.

"You look hungover," Junmyeon said squatting down. I shook my head.

"I'm not."

"Guys he's lovesick," Nana said throwing her arm around me.

"Let's go out for drinks then," Junmyeon said standing.

"How about we go to the movies."

"Boring," Junmyeon said walking away.

"I'd like that," I replied. That's how I found myself between Nana and Junmyeon on a Friday night watching the new Thor movie. I was not into superhero comics or movies. Baekhyun was. I wonder if he watched it yet. I know how excited he was about the Marvel movies coming up. There goes my mind going back to Baekhyun. That stupid fantasy boy and his stupid impact. I couldn't enjoy the movie. It was late so we decided to stop in a cafe. It was much small than Paradisum and more lively and colorful. There was live music being played. Nana swayed to the music as the rest of table talked. The girl who was playing the piano stood up and received applause from everyone. She said anyone was welcomed to play and my feet brought me to the grand piano. Flashbacks of Baekhyun bent over my grand piano at home went through my mind briefly. I shook my head and started to play.

"For you, I was a flame. Love is a losing game. 5 story fire as you came, love is a losing game. One I wish, I never played. Oh, what a mess we made. Now the final frame, love is a losing game." I sang as my fingers danced along the keys. My friends had made their way over along with other people.

"Love is a losing hand. And though I battled blind, love is a fate resigned. Memories mar my mind love is a fate resigned. Over futile odds, and laughed at by the Gods. And now the final frame. Love is a losing game."

"That was so beautiful. Whose song" An older woman asked as everyone started clapping.

"It's Amy Winehouse," I said before walking back to our table.

"Yixing. I cried a little." Nana said throwing her arm around me. I gave a smile and kissed her forehead. I haven't cried. I have not shed one tear for Baekhyun. Maybe it was just lust and the touch of another person that made me feel like that. He's not special. Junmyeon laid his head on my shoulder.

"Can we hit a bar now." He asked. I nodded. I was surprised to see Nana drinking with us. She could hold her drinks, I knew that from our college days but she never drinks these days. We stumbled out the bar and into the night. Junmyeon clung to my hand and giggled as we made our way to a street cart to get food. I paid for everyone. We sat on the curb eating and burping. It was a good time. Laughing and joking with friends was something I needed. Sex. I needed sex too. I turned to Junmyeon who gave me a sly smile. I was going to take him home tonight. We stood up and I took his hand pulling him ahead of the other two.

"Wait up."

"We'll see you guys tomorrow. We'll meet for brunch and then go to the museum."

"Yixing! We're staying at your place." Nana giggled catching up. Annoying. I couldn't ditch them. I let Nana and Jongdae lead the way. I pulled Junmyeon to the side and roughly pushed him against the wall. He hooked his arms around my neck and started kissing back.

"Let's go to your place," I whispered. He nodded and we turned the other way to walk in the direction of his place. Junmyeon was a few steps ahead of me. My feet froze, my chest got tight at the sound of a familiar voice. My feet took off before anything else could happen. Where was it coming from? His voice. Oh God, his voice. Closer. I was getting closer. I stopped in front of a cafe. Through the window, I saw him. His hair was pink now. I placed my hand on the window. How did I hear his voice? It wasn't even that loud from where I was. It pulled me. I walked into the cafe and sat in the back. He moved to another cafe. Just to get away from me? Or away from his stalker.

"Well, I don't care even if you're a sweet liar." The girl sitting across from him sang into the mic.

"Well, I don't care cause I will make you believe. " Beautiful. He was just as beautiful as the first time I laid eyes on him. I waited until the song was over. They received a standing ovation. Baekhyun. Please don't run. I made my way to the front only to be pulled by someone. They pulled me out of the cafe completely.

"What th-" I stopped myself. It was the girl that used to sing at Paradisum. 

"Sorry, Mr.Zhang. I can't let Baekhyun see you."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, it's been hard for him too. Please take my advice-"

"No! Why can't I see Baekhyun!"

"He's after you now. Isn't he?"

"What?"

"The man that was after Baekhyun. You see him, don't you?"

"Yixing," Junmyeon shouted. I turned around to see him running toward me.

"Where did you go?"

"I heard music."

"Ahh, you should've become a singer." He laughed pulling me along. Baekhyun's ex was after me. Did he not know we broke up. Maybe he can't find Baekhyun so he's stalking me because I want to find him. My head was too clouded. I found myself at the cafe looking for Baekhyun. Mornings and evenings. He would come every other night. I stayed in the back and watched him sing. I didn't want to scare him off again. Tonight, his pink hair was done in a neat fashion. He wore black slacks and a white dress shirt. Kyungsoo approached him. I watched them kiss. Kyungsoo said they were like family. He said that there was nothing going on between them. My blood turned cold. He ran off to be with Kyungsoo! I saw black. I made my way over and pulled Kyungsoo away from Baekhyun. Baekhyun's eyes grew large.

"This is why you left me?"

"Yix-"

"Shut the hell up Kyungsoo."

"You'll get him fired."

"I don't give a shit about any of that."

"Yixing calm down," Kyungsoo said grabbing me. I shoved him into the table. Baekhyun pulled me along to the back. He took me to the bathroom and locked the door. 

"Don't speak Baekhyun," I said trying to calm myself down. If he spoke right now I would snap. He placed a hand on my chest and I closed my eyes. His hand found its way to my cheek. Warm. He's so warm. I missed him. I kissed him. The anger dissolved and I found my lips on his. His hands wrestling in my hair. I picked him up and sat him on the sink. One of us was crying. There was a knock on the door.

"Baekhyun, is everything okay?" A lady asked. Baekhyun rested his head on my shoulder. I could see my reflection in the mirror. Pale, dark eyes. My cheeks were sunken in. I looked like this 6 years ago. That's when I noticed them. Tears. I was the one crying.

"I'm okay. I'll be out in a few mins." He replied. I reached up to touch my cheeks. They were my tears. I looked at Baekhyun's back through the mirror. His face was buried in my neck now. I wiped both eyes and pulled back.

"What are you doing to me? I can't sit around and wait for you forever. " I said unwrapping his arms from me. Baekhyun didn't reach out to me nor did he try to come after me when I left. I sat home for the rest of the weekend. Experiencing heartbreak for the first time was dreadful. It is exactly how everyone describes it. It comes in like the reaper stealing any ounce of happiness you found within that person. It's a feeling in my gut that I cannot put into words. It's something you have to experience yourself to fully grasp. I was empty before him but he filled me with peace and love. Now I am back where I started and the pain is unbearable. Each passing day brings death closer. Pain, agony, sadness. I cried for him. I cried until my throat was raw and the tears were just dry sobs. I'm destroyed. I'm alone. He warned not to fall in love. He brings misfortune. Fantasy boy you should have stayed a fantasy. I was lonely before you, now I'm lonely and dead without you. I placed my hand over my heart. Bobohu sat on my lap. I looked down at the small animal. I felt the burn in my chest and quickly grabbed the napkin to cough. The white turned to red. I haven't been traveling but this hasn't stopped happening. The doctors say I'm healthy as can be. Maybe my heart was trying to prepare me. I finished the last bit of alcohol. I heard my cell phone start ringing but I ignored it. I took Bobohu into the piano room I sat down with my head on it and started playing some keys.

"Would you care if I died?" I asked the pup who turned his head to the side confused. I rubbed his head and started playing a song. It's a song I wrote when Baekhyun had first left me. He left me with nothing inside. I started with nothing and ended with nothing. I am nothing.

"Wanting your entire love. I really need your loving care. But I cannot wait for you to hesitate about your love for me. I really need a person to love me and not to wait in loneliness day after day. I grabbed your hand to sketch our colorful fairytale but you're already not there. sketching our colorful fairytale but you already left me." I stopped playing. It hurts. It's hurting way worse than it should have. I stood up only to get dizzy.Am I going to die? I grabbed my chest. It's burning. Oh, God. I dropped to my knees holding my chest. My heart was on fire. Blood spilled onto the ground. I wiped my nose. Blood. Bobohu was barking at my side. The door opened and my vision was getting blurry. The guy. Baekhyun's ex! What was he doing here? He started to walk over and I passed out. I knew where I was before I opened my eyes. I could hear the monitors. I opened my eyes. Junmyeon was sitting next to me. Hospital. I sat up.

"Relax." He said pushing back down. I was getting really sick of these visits. Junmyeon left to get a doctor. I knew Nana must be blowing up my phone. The doctor came in with a nurse.

"So?" I said sitting back up.

"So is right. Yixing you have a tear in your heart."

"What?"

"Have you've been under a lot of stress lately?" He asked taking a seat on the body. It wasn't out of the norm. I was in the middle of publishing my next book. It was stressful for everyone.

"Heartbreak?" I looked up at him at the mention of heartbreak. Was I that pathetic and weak? I couldn't handle some stupid boy dumping me and moving on. Pitiful Yixing.

"Yea," I whispered.

"It's more common than you think. It's nothing to be ashamed. But this is probably the most severe case I've ever come across." He said standing. The nurse turned the lights off and the doctor pulled out what looked like an X-ray. I looked over at Junmyeon. He looked worried. I reached out and held his hand. He gave it a squeeze. 

"This is an MR of your heart. There is a hole in the wall separating the left and right ventricle of the heart. It's called a ventricular septal defect. From what your friend told us, you had no problems with your heart." He said pointing to the photo and explaining. I nodded. I was healthy. This was insane. My heart was literally broken. I was broken.

"We can do surgery to close it up."

"I can't. I have Hemophilia." I said letting go of Junmyeon. Besides I didn't want it.

"Holes can close up on their own. I would like to keep you here for another night. Just to keep an eye on you." He said.I agreed. He said I needed a stress-free environment. He explained that I experienced stress cardiomyopathy, also known as the broken heart syndrome. It is a condition in which intense emotional or physical stress can cause rapid and severe heart muscle weakness. Never knew that was a real thing. It's pretty painful and close to a heart attack. I don't want to feel it again. Junmyeon stayed with me all night. I wasn't as dumb as everyone thought. I knew he had feelings for me. I was just too chicken to address it. I guess I was hurting him as well.

"Was there anyone in the house when you found me?"

"Yixing you were passed out covered in blood. My mind didn't think to check the place."

"Was the door open? Anything weird? Someone was there. I saw him."

"Who?"

"Baekhyun's ex. I think he came to kill me. Maybe you got there and left through a window."

"Yixing, you live on the 7th floor."

"I just. I know what I saw! Bobohu! He was barking at him."

"Yixing, I didn't see anyone. If he was there you need new locks and get the police involved. You're not even with Baekhyun anymore. What's his deal?"

"I don't know but this guy is dangerous. Baekhyun might be in danger." I said taking my sheet off. Junmyeon shoved me down.

"Did you not hear your doctor? Yixing you could have died if I didn't find you. If Baekhyun cared about you why hasn't he tried to visit you? You've been in the hospital for two days." He shouted. Two days. I was out for two days. I sat back letting everything sink in. Baekhyun didn't visit me. He probably doesn't know. How could he?

"I stopped by the shop you always talk about. I told the manager to tell Baekhyun what happened. Baekhyun never showed once, Yixing. He's moved on with that Kyungsoo guy. I think it's time you look after yourself."

"Okay," I said pulling the sheet over my head. I told Junmyeon to go feed Bobohu. He must be scared. Nana called screaming her head off at me. She couldn't get a flight out quick enough but she will be in Korea next week. I decided to go to sleep. That night I dreamed of Baekhyun. He came to visit me even if it was only a dream. His warm hands brushed my cheek and whispered how much he loved me in my ear. I couldn't touch him back. I tried to move my arms. I tried to scream how much I loved him but my mouth disappeared. I silently cried as Baekhyun disappeared into the darkness with that man. The man in all black. I jumped up out of my sleep. Only to have a cold hand clamp down on my mouth. Kyungsoo sat on my bed staring at me. I smacked his hand off of my mouth. We held an intense staredown. He stood up and ran his hand through his blonde hair. The light coming in from the moon was reflecting against his skin. Kyungsoo was really pale before but now his skin showed a honey glow. He was really attractive. I can see why Baekhyun went for him.

"What?"

"Don't be mad Yixing. I came here to talk."

"About what?"

"Baekhyun."

"Get out."

"Yixing, he needs you. It's not what it looks like between us. I kissed him because I knew you've been watching him so I thought if you saw us kissing you would back off. But I made things worse. I'm sorry." He said putting his head down. I balled the sheets into my fists.

"Where is he?"

"Baekhyun? He's home. He doesn't know I came to see you."

"Is his ex after him? Is he safe."

"He's safe but he needs you, Yixing. I see that now."

"What changed?" I asked as Kyungsoo headed to the door. He paused and turned around.

"It's useless to avoid the inevitable," Kyungsoo said leaving. I stayed up for the rest of the night. I was too afraid to dream. Losing Baekhyun in real life and in my dream was something I couldn't bear to go through again. I was released at noon. Junmyeon stayed by my side all night. I wanted him to leave, so he took the hint and left. I laid down in bed staring at the empty side. Baekhyun's side of the bed. Where his warmth always laid next to me. His sweet but light scent filling my nose with pleasure. Bobohu cuddled closer to me and we drifted to sleep. There was knocking at the front door. I sat up covered in sweat. What if it was the ex. I didn't have anything to defend myself. I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. The knocking got louder. I looked through the peephole. I dropped my knife and unlocked the door. Fantasy boy. His hair was now plain black. He wore it down in a boyish fashion. We stared at each other. Baekhyun opened his mouth to say something but fell silent. It's unusual to see him lost for words. I cleared my throat. He tried to speak again but nothing came out. Bobohu crashed into his leg. Baekhyun bent down picking up the dog. Bobohu licked his face and Baekhyun giggled. My heart melted. I let him walk in as the two puppies began to roll around on the floor. I closed and locked the door. I leaned against it watching them play. Baekhyun was here. I stepped forward and bent down to run my hand through his hair. Soft, black, silky hair. I got on my knees and held his face in my hand. Bobohu was barking but I slowly tuned him out. Baekhyun was really here. His round cheeks, puppy eyes, large ears, lips. His beautiful perfect pink lips. I ran my thumb across them.

"Baekhyun."

"Hi." He whispered back. Kiss him. Touch him. I had to feel Byun Baekhyun. My fantasy boy was really here. He wasn't a fantasy. He was real and he was my love. I kissed him. I kissed him hard. Baekhyun fell backward but kept up. His hands wrapped around my back. I grabbed them off and held them down above his head. My lips on his lips. No words needed to be spoken because the kiss said everything. I missed him and he missed me just as much. Anger, Sadness, and Lust. Three things that should never be mixed. I pulled back to stare at his face. His eyes were slightly closed, and his pink lips were now red and puffy. I let go of his arms and Baekhyun reached out to touch my face. I kissed his hand. Baekhyun smiled up at me. Without warning, he flipped us over and took the lead. Once he kissed my neck, he knew it was over for me. The little bit of anger I felt died. In its place now stood comfort. My broken heart was now beating. It was beating for Baekhyun. It was beating for his touches, kisses, and his love. My hands clung to his back as he abused my neck with his mouth. His slender fingers found their way to the waistband of my sweatpants. Bobohu had given up trying to get his attention. He walked away minutes ago. Baekhyun helped me slide out of my pants. He placed sweet sensual kisses on my thighs. My already hard cock twitched the closer he got to it. He looked up at me so innocently before taking me into his mouth. I threw my head back almost immediately and thrust into his mouth. It was warm and wet.

"Baek," I moaned grabbing a fistful of his hair. He pulled me out and started to jerk me off slowly. It was driving me mad. He sat up to plant kisses on my face. I continued to thrust into his hand. I don't know if it was Baekhyun's aura but I felt the pool in my stomach began to turn. I was ready to come already. Baekhyun pulled back. My dick was throbbing in his hand. He stopped and smirked at me.

"Don't. Please let me." I begged. He nodded and picked up where he left off. With my dick in his mouth. I came as soon as it hit the back of his throat. Baekhyun sat up and swallowed everything. He sat on my lap and we kissed. We kissed until our lungs burn from lack of oxygen. We kissed until we felt dizzy. We kissed until the clock turned to 3 am. We sat in bed in just our boxers. I didn't know where to start. And I'm sure Baekhyun didn't either. I wanted to yell at him. To blame him for everything. The pain, the heartache but at the end of the day, he was protecting both of us, right? He reached out and placed a hand over my heart. He climbed onto my lap and placed his head on my heart. Was he listening to the beat?

"It doesn't beat the same. Listening to your heartbeat was my favorite thing to do at night. Your heart skips a beat now and not in a good way." He said looking into my eyes. I intertwined our hands.

"It'll be okay."

"I broke your heart. I am sorry."

"Baekhyun, you can't just blame yourself. I was stressed with-"

"It is my fault and you'll understand soon."

"You did break my heart but this broken heart still beats for only you," I said hugging him.

"My handsome writer always has a way with words." He said kissing my cheek.

"I really am sorry. I thought that if we separated it would stop. That you would be okay but I made it worse. So much worse. I'm sorry."

"Baekhyun, it's okay."

"It's not okay. Yixing. I ruined us. Every day without you I died. I died every single day. And you were alone hurting. Yixing, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I did this to us. I'm sorry." I kissed him. I never expected him to be this broken. Hell, I never expected me to be this broken without him. Through this kissed we healed each other. I laid down on top of Baekhyun that night. His hand was rubbing my back.

"Sing me a song. I missed your voice." I said kissing his chest. He started singing and I drifted off to my safe haven.

"Fall asleep in my arms. Don’t wake up. Morning will come again, so you can peacefully dream. At the end of this loneliness, just turn off the lights today."  Being this close to him and listening to his voice brought me harmony.

"Now you’re not alone, don’t feel lonely anymore. Morning will come again. So you can peacefully smile. At the end of this sadness just turn off the lights today." Baekhyun kissed the top of my head. In the morning we would have to deal with everything but right now, in this moment us together was the only thing that mattered. When morning came the bed was empty, I wonder if it was a dream. I climbed out of bed and opened the bedroom door. I could smell something burning, so I rushed to the kitchen. Only to find Baekhyun dancing around to Red Flavor while the food was burning. He was here. Baekhyun turned around smiling turning my heart into a puddle. Bobohu was at his feet as he made his way over to me.

"I tried to make breakfast but I think that's your job," Baekhyun said kissing my lips and taking a seat. I quickly washed up and made them each breakfast. Bobohu wouldn't leave his side. I can relate. Over breakfast, we talked. Baekhyun told me how he knew I followed him to the cafe those days. It didn't know why Kyungsoo kissed him until I showed up. I decided to keep the talk I had with Kyungsoo quiet. Baekhyun said he did come to visit me. The second night he came to see me. I also didn't want to tell him about his ex breaking into my home.I just wanted Baekhyun with me. After that day, it was like we never broke up. It was almost my birthday and Baekhyun was out with Kyungsoo. Nana wanted to fly in to celebrate it together but I told her Baekhyun and I wanted to celebrate alone. She took the hint. I still didn't like Kyungsoo and Baekhyun hanging around together but what can I do? The door opened revealing my boyfriend with an exhausted look. He brought his bags to our bedroom and returned to me. He walked over and collapsed on the couch.

"Long day?"

"Very. I'm glad it's over. Kyungsoo was cranky today." He said crawling over to me. He sat on my lap.

"Birthday in one more hour."

"Correct."

"You'll be 26."

"Yes."

"What do you want to do to me?" He whispered against my lips. I smiled. It didn't take very long to have Baekhyun face down on the couch as I pounded into in. I reached forward to pull him up into a sloppy kiss. His left arm hooked around my neck.

"Yixing, ah, I'm gonna come." He cried out. I smiled and slipped the device around his cock. Baekhyun choked. I pulled out and turned him over to face me. I wanted to see him. His sweaty black hair was sticking to his forehead his round cheeks flushed with red complimented his warm skin. I picked him up and carried him to the bedroom. I laid him on the bed softly. 

"Yixing, this isn't nice." He said reaching down. I smacked his hands away and spread his legs so I could get in between. I easily slid in causing us both to moan. I raised Baekhyun's left leg to sit on my shoulder as I rocked into him. Baekhyun grabbed the pillow to cover his face. I snatched it off and threw it to the floor. I took his leg off and yanked him up so that he was straddling me.

"I want to hear you. I want everyone to hear you." I said as he started meeting my thrust into him. His hands stayed on my shoulders and soon Baekhyun was crying out telling me how good I felt. I knew exactly how Baekhyun liked it, where to hit him at. It's my favorite thing in the world to watch him become a mess because of me. I laid his body back down and grabbed the top of the headboard with my right hand as I let my hips bury myself deeper into my boyfriend. Baekhyun was a mess. Drool, sweat, and tears were collecting on his face. The sight was the most beautiful thing to me.

"Come! Let me Come. Yixing it's too much." He screamed clawing at my arms. Another set of tears fell down his face. Baekhyun was experiencing a dry orgasm. His body started to shake under me. He slapped my face. I bent down to capture his lips. Baekhyun bit down on my lips and scratched my arms. I knocked the headboard into the wall repeatedly. I finally took the cock ring off and after a few strokes in my hand, Baekhyun was coming all over himself. I came inside of him. I collapsed on him. Baekhyun clenched around my cock causing my stomach to clench. I slid out of him slowly. Baekhyun looked gorgeous. I almost wanted to take a photo of him. I sat on my knees and pulled his legs up. Baekhyun's hole was red and covered with my come. I wiped the fluid up and pushed it back in. Before I knew it I was fingering him again. His dick stood up and I smiled. I reached down to find the lube on the floor. Baekhyun started jerking himself as I used my fingers to prep my own hole. After placing the third finger in, I was ready. I hovered over Baekhyun until he was completely inside of me. Baekhyun's delicate hands sat on my hips. He sat up to kiss my shoulder.

"You love when I fuck you, Yixing? It's your birthday but you're treating me." He said kissing along my collarbone. I couldn't pay attention to him speaking. I was trying to get used to him again. I've bottomed before but it's been a while. Baekhyun pulled me closer so our chests were touching.

"Can I move now, baby?" He said with his voice deeper than usual. I nodded. Baekhyun held my hips tightly as he slowly started to pump inside me. I laid my head on his shoulder. Baekhyun was always gentle when we started. I kissed along his neck. For a little bit, the room was filled with heavy breathing and Baekhyun entering and leaving me. He laid me down and started to go faster.

"Does it feel good baby. Tell me how could I make you feel." He said into my neck.

"So good. So good."

"Yeah? You like it? You like it, don't you?" He said kissing my lips roughly now. I wanted to reply but Baekhyun found my spot and now I was putty in his hands. I don't think I could hold on anymore. I can feel the tingle in my stomach. That's when I noticed it. My eyes shot open to Baekhyun's mischievous smirk. I don't know when but Baekhyun placed the cock ring on me. I reached down but he grabbed my hands tightly and pulled them above my head. Baekhyun's brown loving eyes were dark and full of lust. He licked his lips. Baekhyun pushed our bodies up and reached off the bed to grab something. I felt something rough around my wrists.

"Baek-" He smacked me in the mouth.

"Did you think I would let that stunt you pulled go?" Baekhyun said pulling out of me and tied my wrists together with the rope. He got off the bed and pulled me by the rope onto the floor.

"Tonight, Zhang Yixing. You are mine." He said with his hand around my throat.

"Fuck me," I said only to receive a slap. I was a little shocked.

"Was that too hard? I'm sorry. I just thought it would be different if I was more dominant. I liked it last time so I thought I can take it up a notch."

"Baekhyun it's okay, do whatever you want to me," I said smiling.

"Okay." He whispered going back into the bag. He placed a blindfold over my eyes. Intense. He must have thought a lot about this. I know Baekhyun. When he wants to do something he spends so much time going over if he should or shouldn't. It's cute. I heard Baekhyun chuckle. It sent shivers down my back. It was deep and very sensual. He ran his thumb across my bottom lip.

"You what my favorite feature of yours is?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Your mouth. Especially these lips. I love feeling them around my cock." He whispered into my ear now. My breath got caught in my throat. Baekhyun yanked my head back by my hair. I felt his dick on my lips. I opened my mouth as he rubbed it on my bottom lip. I licked the tip and Baekhyun's hand tightened around my hair. I hissed as he shoved his cock down my throat. Baekhyun started fucking my mouth ruthlessly. I started to choke. The knot on my wrist was starting to cut off circulation. I rolled my eyes back. My dick was throbbing and there was nothing I could do. I knew Baekhyun wasn't going to let me off easy. Baekhyun's thrust became uneven, my tears from choking fell down my face. Baekhyun pulled`out and came all over my face. I licked around my mouth. Baekhyun helped me onto the bed. Within minutes, I was face down getting my ass pounded into. Two dry orgasms and choked sobs, I was wrecked. Baekhyun didn't give a damn. I was begging him to take it off. He turned me over and stared down at the mess he created.

"Happy Birthday." He said kissing me and relieving me from the restraints. He grabbed my dick and began to stroke it. At the same time, we came. Baekhyun pulled out of me and laid on my chest. Sticky and wet. I was exhausted. My wrist hurt and I was still coming. Baekhyun kissed my cheek. After I calmed down I wrapped my arms around him and pulled the blanket up.

"I lov-"

"Don't... Yixing I want to spend the rest of your life with you. So, let's stay like this for now." He said kissing my cheek.In the morning we shower which included shower sex and more showering after. We shared a lazy afternoon. Kissing watching my favorite movies, and recording music. Baekhyun pulled away from the kiss. I pouted. We were currently making out on the bench near the piano.

"When can I read your book?"

"I will give you the first copy."

"I'll sell it online." He replied. I gave his ass a hard smack. Bobohu ran into the room barking. Baekhyun got off my lap to play with the dog. I sat there watching them. This is what I wanted in life. My phone started to ring. Nana. I left the room.

"Happy Birthday! Finally, you pick up." She shouted.

"Sorry. I was busy."

"Well, we want to go out to dinner with you tomorrow. Bring Baekhyun."

"You're in town?"

"Yes. For business."

"That sounds alright to me. Let me ask Baekhyun." I said walking back into the room. Baekhyun was now in the bed with Bobohu. I said goodbye to Nana and crawled into bed with them. I took a photo and posted it on Instagram. My fans will have a field day with that one. I placed my phone on the table and pulled Baekhyun to me. He started singing happy birthday. I felt a tight pull on my heart. I pushed Baekhyun off of me and started choking. I covered my mouth and ran to the bathroom. I threw up lunch and blood. Baekhyun came to open the door but I kicked it closed. I didn't want him to see this. After 10 mins, I cleaned up and left the room. Baekhyun was in the middle of the bed crying.

"I'm okay," I said kissing his head. He buried his face in my neck. I told him my friends wanted to have dinner. He said he couldn't because of work. Freyja would definitely give him off if I asked. I wanted to show Baekhyun off to everyone. I think a part of him was still scared. I respected his wish and didn't push it. I was sitting at the table with my friends. Junmyeon hasn't said much to me. He confessed to me a few weeks ago but Baekhyun was back now and I had to turn him down. Nana turned to me.

"Have you written the thank you and dedication yet?" Nana said feeding me food. I chewed and swallowed. I haven't thought much about the book since I handed it off for work. 

"Not really, just thank my fans," I said looking at my phone. Baekhyun's been texting me all night.

"Hey! How can he have time to text you but not be here?" She asked taking it. I snatched it back. We ended up back at Junmyeon's place. A little drunk. Jongdae and I were sitting in the kitchen.

"How have you been feeling?"

"Do you think I should have the surgery?" I asked.

"Yixing."

"Keep throwing up blood. I try to hide it from Baekhyun but I get exhausted easily and my chest burns. It feels like it's ripping."

"Yixing, have you been back to the hospital?" He asked. I shook my head.

"You should go and if you need surgery take it. Have the dreams well nightmares stopped?"

"No. I mean they're not as bad and frequently as before but the figure keeps getting closer." I said staring at the table. The nightmares don't happen every night but when I do have them it's like the guy gets closer. 

"What do you think the dreams mean?"

"I don't know. Maybe everything that happened with Baekhyun's ex is just messing with my mind. "

"You have to take it easy. And you need to talk with Baekhyun. I think it's time he told you about this guy. For your safety." Jongdae said. It's true. I wanted to move forward with Baekhyun. I loved him and he loved me. I told him everything about me but somehow there was still a wall between us. I'll keep climbing it until I'm over that wall. As the season changed, I fell hopelessly in love with Baekhyun. It has only been a year since we met but I feel like we have known each other many times. I watched Baekhyun and Bobohu run around in the snow. He was happy these days and that's all that mattered to me. Unfortunately for me, my health was taking a turn for the worse. I didn't want to worry Baekhyun or scare him away. Last month I flew to China to get checked out by my doctor he said the hole grew 2 cm. I kept my stress down and even limited my physical activities. The company pushed the book back to ensure my absolute health. But if I don't have the surgery I could be dead by 30. That wasn't in my plan at all. I'm spending the rest of my life with Baekhyun. So I signed off to have it. Baekhyun ran over to me and tackled me into the snow.

"Play with us!" He shouted. I turned us over so that I was on top of him. Bobohu bit my hand and started barking. He was always protecting Baekhyun. I got up and helped him up. Once we got home we sat in the music room with hot cocoa just listening to some of Baekhyun's recordings. For Christmas, I managed to pull some strings and get him an audition. I couldn't wait to tell him. Baekhyun started dancing around with the dog. My cell phone started to ring. It was Nana of course. I took it into the next room.

"Your parents are all set. They should be getting into town soon." She said cheerfully. I think it was time for them to meet the man of my dreams. Also, I planned to ask Baekhyun to marry me. I know everything is happening so fast but it just feels natural. We're not getting any younger. I stayed on the phone with Nana for almost an hour. I finally said goodbye and went to look for Baekhyun. He turned around with tears in his eyes.My eyes drifted down to the papers in his hand.

"You can't have the surgery. Yixing. You can't!" He screamed throwing the papers.

"Baek-"

"Beleive me! It won't work. Why can't you just trust me!" He shouted. I was really confused.

"I'm not getting any better, in fact, it's worse! Is that what you want to hear? Baekhyun, I'm dying!" I screamed causing him to freeze. He shook his head.

"I know. It's my fault. I can't stop it."

"It's not your fault. It's nothing you could have done."

"I wish I never met you. Why did you have to find the cafe? We weren't supposed to meet!" 

"Please calm down,"I said reaching out to him. He was becoming distraught and hyperventilating. I reached out to hold him but he shoved me away.

"No! Stay away from me! Everything happens for a reason but this is too cruel! It's too cruel! Make it stop, please! I'm begging you Just take me! Take me only!" Baekhyun screamed. I  rushed over just as his body became limp and he collapsed. My knees gave out and I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor with my fantasy boy in my arms. I laid Baekhyun in bed and sat at the edge. What was he talking about? The guy who hurt him this bad needs to pay. I had enough of sitting down and waiting for Baekhyun to tell me about him. I was going to go looking for him. Baekhyun clear was tormented by his past. How can we build a future from that? I left him to sleep. I don't know who or where this guy was but if he wanted me then I was going to make it easy for him. The rest of the evening I was out with Junmyeon. If Baekhyun found out, he would be pissed. He's not a fan of Junmyeon ever since the confession but I couldn't be alone tonight. I would call Kyungsoo over to watch Baekhyun but he would nag me saying I don't take care of Baekhyun. Junmyeon took another shot and turned to the table of guys waving at us. I told him he could go talk to them but I needed to use the bathroom. After washing my hands, I felt a chill. I looked up and there he was. I jumped and turned around.

"You followed me?" I asked. He smiled.

"You came looking for me, am I correct? Let's take a walk, Zhang Yixing." He said leaving the bathroom. I was a little intimidated but I followed him to the alley. 

"What do you want with Baekhyun? He's moved on already. So back off before I get the cops involved." I spat balling my fists up. His deep voice made the hairs on my skin stand up.

"I don't want Baekhyun anymore, Yixing. It's you I'm after now. You can feel it, right?" He asked stepping forward. What is wrong with this sicko?

"What's wrong with you?"

"You can feel it, can't you? The end is coming. I suggest telling Baekhyun how much you love him before it's too late. Because once I have you it's all over." He said reaching out to touch me. Frozen. My feet wouldn't move. I was stuck there. I was afraid. In all of my 26 years on earth, I have never been so afraid in my life. He pulled down the black face mask to reveal his face. His eyes were black as the moonless nights but the rest of his face was perfect. Perfect smile, nose, and eyes. His ears reminded me of an elf. Even in such a beautiful presence something was off and my heart was barely beating. His eyes all black and his face started to twist. His smile showed sharp teeth. every single one of them and his black eyes began to bleed black liquid. The horrifying sight caused me to stop breathing.

"Mine," He said just as his hand with sharp reached my cheek. I jumped out of my sleep screaming. Baekhyun pushed me back onto the mattress. I couldn't stop screaming.

"Yixing! Please!" He cried now holding me to his chest. I started sobbing like a child. He was the guy chasing me in my dreams. All this time. I couldn't stop shaking in Baekhyun's arms. My sobbing turned into screams then muffled cries as he rocked me and kissed my forehead. I must have cried so much I passed out. When I woke up Kyungsoo was wiping my forehead. I knew it was him because of is scent and cold hands. I pretended to be sleep. Baekhyun came into the room and they started talking in a low murmur. I couldn't make out everything they were saying but it was about me. I was too exhausted to wake up and ended up sleeping again. This time I woke up to Baekhyun's humming. I opened my eyes to see his face directly in front of mine. I was laying on his lap. 

"Hi." He said kissing my forehead.

"Hey," I said sitting up. Baekhyun hurried off the bed and handed me a warm cup. It was tea. I took a sip. We sat there quietly for awhile. My mind was going back to the nightmare and Baekhyun was in a daze.

"My parents are coming." I finally said. Baekhyun turned to me.

"You want me to meet your parents?"

"I want to marry you. I don't know your relationship with your parents-"

"There's only one person, you can meet. My little sister. She doesn't live far from here. I'll give you her address."

"Are you not going?"

"We're not on good terms." He said turning to face the window. It was snowing.

"What happened?"

"I rather not talk about it. You can visit tomorrow. It's her birthday." He said laying back down. Baekhyun didn't say anything else. The next day I found myself at her apartment. I assumed that she lived with his mom or something because Baekhyun said she was 10. I knocked on the door and waited. The door opened to a short girl. Her long hair fell all the way down her back. She stared back at me resembling my boyfriend. from her puppy face to her smiling eyes.

"Who are you?" She asked turning her head to the side. This was Baekhyun's little sister. I thought she was 10. She looked at least 15. 

"I'm Zhang Yixing. I know your brother." I said bowing. She gave me a bow and then stared at me. Her face turned into a frown and then it lit up.

"I've been waiting to meet you." She said taking my hand and pulling me into the apartment.

"Happy Birthday," I said handing her flowers. Baekhyun said her favorite was roses. 

"Did Baekie tell you these were my favorite?" She asked. I nodded. She told me to have a seat. I sat down and waited for her to come back. She brought me a glass of water. My eyes wandered around her apartment. She had pictures of friends and family all over. Her eyes followed mine. They stopped on a photo of her and Baekhyun.

"How is he?" She asked.

"He's doing okay. How old are you?"

"I'm 16 today." She said smiling. she got up and took the frame off the table. She handed me the photo. Baekhyun had pink hair in this photo. You couldn't see his eyes because he was smiling so hard. His sister was hugged to his side and mirroring the same smile. She looked much younger. I couldn't tell with Baekhyun. It seemed like he never ages.

"When was this?"

"6 years ago. It was the last time. I saw my brother." She said taking the photo. I wanted to ask what happened to them. They seemed close. I figured it was something to do with their family. She clearly lived on her own now.

"You're very handsome. I'm glad it was you." She said taking a seat. 

"Thank you," I replied.

"Can you tell me about him?"

"He's beautiful. Everything about him is unreal. His laugh, his outgoing personality, the way he sings. It's the most beautiful voice. It's so smooth like honey. It sticks to its listeners and its hard to get out of your head. And his smile is bright. It completes what is Baekhyun." I said finally looking back at her. Tears were forming in her eyes. She nodded.

"That sounds like my brother." She said wiping her eyes. I stayed for a little bit. She told me how Baekhyun was when they were kids. She always protected him from the neighborhood bullies. Baekhyun has always had a soft heart. I didn't bring up Sehun or his no name ex. She was just happy to talk about her brother. I wish Baekhyun came. She really misses him. I arrived home to Baekhyun sitting in the middle of the bed. His knees were pulled tight to his chest. I took my clothes off and climbed into bed with him. I placed the small box in his hand. It held a black wedding band. Engraved on the inside was 3 am. I kissed his face starting from his forehead down to his cheeks, then chin and eyes then finally lips. Baekhyun dropped the box and wrapped his arms around me.

"I just want to be with you forever. I want to marry you. I want to grow old with you. I'm sorry. I can't" He cried. These days it just seemed like we cried at night. I laid Baekhyun down and kissed him on the tip of his nose to his feet. I adorned his body with all my love that night. Sweat, full of come, and a soaked face of tears. Baekhyun turned to me and kissed me.

"I love you, Baekhyun."

"Yixing, I love you too. It's too late now."

"Of course, You have my whole heart in your hands," I said kissing his forehead. When I woke up, Baekhyun wasn't in bed. In fact, Baekhyun wasn't in the house. I showered and tried to call him there was no answer. I rushed back to the room to find the box on the floor. Did he run again? After everything, his choice still wasn't me. I didn't have time to be pissed off my parents arrived. They were disappointed that they wouldn't be meaning my lover. My mother was very excited. Days went by and still nothing from Baekhyun. I sat in my dark apartment, dying. There wasn't anything to describe the pain. I wanted to be gone. The pain in my chest was becoming unbearable. I couldn't stop throwing up. If I wasn't better by tomorrow, I would have to go to the hospital. I started writing music to destress. It worked for a little bit. I left the music room to find Baekhyun standing in the living room. We stared at each other. I had no words for him. I felt hurt.

"I'm sorry." He said. I took a step forward.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I said with a low growl.

"I wanted to be here with you. I wanted this but we can't be together."

"After everything, you're still leaving?"

"No! Let me explain! I warned you. I told you time and time again don't say you love me and you went and did it."

"Are you insane? That's what happens when people fall in love!" I shouted storming towards him. Baekhyun took a step back.

"I'm dead!" He shouted shoving me back. What?

"What are you talking about."

"The stupid curse. Yixing, the stupid curse!"

"Get out! Just say you never loved me. Making up bullshit to make me feel bad." I said shoving him to the door. Baekhyun turned around crying.

"Look it up! Have you ever wondered why I never told you about me? Or why you never thought about looking me up?" He screamed. I stepped back and went to grab my phone. I stared at him before searching up his name. My world stopped. What in God's name was this? Articles about Byun Baekhyun came up. There it was. His funeral photo. My phone dropped out of my hand. I looked at him. How?

"You died 6 years ago."

"Yes." He replied.

"How? How are you here right now? What the fuck is wrong with you!" I screamed.

"It's the curse! You think I wanted to do this. I tried to stay away Yixing. I tried-"

"You should've tried harder! Get out!"

"Just hear me out and then I'll leave."

"Baekhyun so help me God if you don't get out-"

"Let him talk," Kyungsoo said coming into the apartment with Freyja.

"Are you dead as well?"

"I am," Kyungsoo said holding on to a distraught Baekhyun.

"What's this curse?" I said sitting down on the couch.

"If I didn't find my soulmate by the time I died, I would be stuck in purgatory."

"How can I see you? Are you a ghost? Like we did stuff. I touched you, for God's sake I had sex with you!"

"Because I'm real for you. If  my soulmate so happens to come in contact with my wandering soul, then I became real only for you."

"That's why you never wanted to be around my friends. Why didn't you just tell me."

"If he told you Baekhyun would disappear to nothing. Every memory of him would fade and you would live the rest of your in agony." Kyungsoo said.

"The last part of the curse."

"I don't want to hear any more. I want you to disappear." I said standing.

"I can't. Yixing the last part. If you said you love me then I, I would take your place in the human world. And live forever in your form while you are trapped in limbo in my form." He said with his head down. I could have collapsed right there.

"I die?"

"Yes," Freyja said. I held my heart.

"This has to be a dream. This can't be real."

"This is fate, Yixing. You and Baekhyun are soulmates, unfortunately, he died before meeting you and it caused this. You will die the same way Baekhyun died. your heart problem isn't random. Baekhyun died on the operating table during open heart surgery."

"Freyja stop," Baekhyun said speaking up. I held my heart. No. This can't be real life. No!

"Paradisum it means Paradise in Latin. It is a cafe I started for wandering souls. I found Baekhyun and brought him in. My name is Freyja, I am the goddess of love, beauty, and death. Everything you have done up to this point is of your own doing. It was fate that brought you to Korea and to my shop. I'm sorry that you didn't meet before this, Yixing. I have been doing this for many years. I know how painful this is."

"Kyungsoo-"

"Is also a recipient of the curse. Kim Jongin was his name." Freyja said answering me. I looked at all three people. Well, ghost in disbelief. 

"How long do I have," I whispered as tears fell.

"Because you and Baekhyun tried to distance yourself for months it only sped up everything-"

"How long!" I yelled cutting her off.

"5 days at most," Kyungsoo answered. The last of my tears fell before I nodded my head.

"Get out of my apartment," I said closing my eyes. I didn't want to see them. 

"Yixing-"

"Baekhyun! Don't speak to me!" Once I heard the door close I went on a rampage. I threw tables chairs. I punched the walls. I screamed and pulled my hair. I was going to die. My mind snapped and everything made sense. The late nights we shared, why he couldn't go outside in the day much. I dropped to my knees as my heart began to break. As if it were made of bones, I felt every single crack. Shattered. I don't know how long I stayed on the floor but I lost consciousness a few times.  I crawled to the couch and sat there looking at my bruised knuckles. I looked up to see Freyja. I jumped.

"Relax. You summoned me." She said taking my hands.

"You're reading my mind?" I said snatching my hands away.

"You have questions. I want to answer them."

"Who was the guy after Baekhyun?"

"The grim reaper. He also snatches souls and sends them to Hell. Souls aren't supposed to be wandering in the real world. It's known as limbo." She said taking a seat. That's why Baekhyun was scared that time in the shop.

"He was chasing me in my dreams."

"Did he managed to touch you."

"He almost did but I woke up. Why is he after me?"

"Because Baekhyun found his soulmate. He is no longer of use. He will be alive and you-"

"I'll be dead," I said. She hummed in agreement.

"4 days left?"

"3 days. You've been here for two days already."

"What will happen?"

"When you die? You will wake up in Baekhyun's form. He will have no contact with you."

"Why am I cursed? Why should I have to suffer?"

"Because soulmates are cut from one soul. When two parts are split both of you will be affected. Baekhyun died in 2009. What happened to you in that year?" She asked turning to me. I stared the broken glass on the floor. Memories of 2009 hit me with a strong force.

"I tried to kill myself."

"Your other half was disconnected from the human world and it took your will to live as well. For 6 years you have wandered alone, hurting, living in anguish. If you want I can tell you about your past life with Baekhyun." She said leaning into me. I turned to her. For the next few hours, Freyja informed me about us. the lives of Byun Baekhyun and Zhang Yixing. I learned a lot. One time we were daughter and father. Baekhyun as my father. I started laughing. Another time we were twin boys, and one time we were animals. It was interesting. I couldn't believe any of this but my heart knew. It just knew. Freyja told me the details about Baekhyun's death. Baekhyun's sister knew about the curse. Baekhyun came to her in a dream. That's how she knew who I was when I said Baekhyun sent me. She knew that  I was his mate. After Freyja left, I video called Nana. 

"You look like shit." She said laughing. I smiled. I'm gonna miss arguing with her the most.

"Do you think you can get out here tomorrow?"

"Yixing, It's almost Christmas." She said rolling her eyes.

"Please Nana."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just wanted to give you the last part of my book in person." I said laughing. She agreed and booked a flight using my card. I called Junmyeon over and he helped me clean up.

"Did you and Baekhyun have a physical fight?" He asked putting a bandage on my knuckles. I shook my head. We talked for the rest of the night. A part of me wished Junmyeon was my soulmate. Life would be much simpler. Junmyeon was a lawyer. So, I asked him to look into something for me but I told him I would put in a good word with Jongdae. He agreed. I called Freyja after he left. There was something I needed to clarify.

"What about my friends? I told them about Baekhyun."

"After you pass on, memories of Baekhyun will be erased from their mind." She responded. I stayed quiet.

"Baekhyun wants to see-"

"I have to go," I said hanging up the phone. The next day Nana and Jongdae were at my door. I pulled Nana into a long hug. She was shocked at first. Last night, I spent it writing the last part of my book. I was really tired. I don't think I will make it until the last day. I took them out for drinks. It was like old times. I'm going to miss them. I wish I could see my parents but I don't think I would survive the flight. Jongdae was passed out on the couch with Junmyeon. Nana pulled me to the kitchen. She was playing with Bobohu. She put him down.

"Are you okay?" She asked. I nodded giving her my genuine smile.

'"Where's Baekhyun? Your Christmas tree looks nice. I know it must have been his doing and not yours." She said laughing. It was. I looked around the bright apartment. He lightened everything up. My friends and family would be okay. Baekhyun had that aura. I gave Nana another tight hug.

"You sure you're okay?"

Yes, a bit tired." I said. The next day they left. Junmyeon worked quickly because he told me what he dug up. He said he had a stable case and would get permission from the family to move on. That's all I wanted. I gave him an address of someone and told him. That's the first case to look into. I didn't give a name. The sun was setting now and my heart was slowing down. I could feel it. Boom boom boom....boom.....boom. I laid down in bed. I guess this is my fate. I closed my eyes as a tear fell onto the pillow. I felt warm hands in my cold hands. Warm lips on mine. On December 24th, 2016, Zhang Yixing died and Zhang Baekhyun was born.

-

-

"This really is your best book," Nana said cheerfully pulling me as I got off the stage. I've heard that so many times. It was true. During my time with Yixing. I read all his old books and this was the best one. I couldn't wait to get back to the apartment. This fame was hard to deal with. It's only been a year and...No. I can't think about that. While we were in the car, Nana handed me a book.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Last Christmas, you asked me to give you the first copy to you for Christmas. Merry Christmas." She said. I nodded. I looked down at my phone. It was Junmyeon. I picked up.

"Yixing, are you coming to Korea soon?"

"Umm, probably not. It's busy here and I want to spend Christmas with my family."

"Someone was asking for you." He replied. My mind went to Yixing but I'm Yixing.

"Take a message."

"It's the Byun's little sister. After winning the case, she kept asking for you. I don't know how you know them but I think you should talk to her." He said. I told him I would think about. At home, I showered and feed Bobohu. He was fat now. If Yixing saw him he would be upset. I smiled rubbed his head. After we switched places, I tried to find him at the cafe. It was no use. It was just a regular cafe now. So, now I live life as the man I love. I have to look at him in the mirror knowing I took his life away. He must hate me. He must hate me so much. I put my head down. There was no way to get him back. There was no way to reverse this. I would rather be dragged to Hell. Bobohu rubbed his nose against my leg. I bent down and pulled him into my lap. I looked down at the original copy of Fantasy Boy. This was a book about us. Yixing and I. I turned the first page. My Chinese was really bad when we switched. Yixing's knowledge didn't come to me until months later. Yixing's dedication was on the first page. It was in Korean.

"This book is dedicated to my fantasy boy, Baekhyun. Thank you for being my inspiration. I have loved you many times and I will love you many times more. Until we meet in the next fantasy...." My fingers trembled over his handwriting and the tears blurred my vision.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this was a hard ending to deal with. Trust me I cried writing it. I feel really sad lol. Would you guys want an alternative ending? This is apart of a series, so there will be another set of chapters. also, chapter 3 will be from Baekhyun's POV meeting Yixing and also I will include how Yixing life has been since the switch.


End file.
